Monthly Archives: May 2011

You Gerk!

Posted on May 31, 2011 by

“Mom, you need to yell at Will. He’s acting like a total jerk…a jerk with a capital “G”! Jay-8 He said it with such conviction that I didn’t have the heart to correct him. In fact, it’s certainly possible that he might … Continue reading →

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H-E-Double Hockey Sticks

Posted on May 26, 2011 by

“Jay, you should never say the ‘H-Word’ unless you use it to talk about that bad place down there.  It’s ok to say, ‘I hope I never go to Hell.’  That would be fine.  But, you should never say to someone, … Continue reading →

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Dumb and Dumber

Posted on May 25, 2011 by

“Hey Jay, do you think it would hurt if I pegged you in the eye with this tennis ball going 67 mph?” Will-10 “Well Will, it might hurt a little, but I’ll let you try it if I can wear some … Continue reading →

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I Heard It On The Bus

Posted on May 23, 2011 by

“Mom, did you know that the human body is capable of living 225 years? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.” Will-10 Now, before you get too excited about this new revelation, let me tell you that information learned on a … Continue reading →

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The Hot Dog

Posted on May 20, 2011 by

“Mom, is this hot dog made out of dead dogs?” Jay-8 This is what I said… “Of course not sweetie. Now eat-up.” But this is what I thought… “Of course not sweetie. They’re made out of pig snouts and entrails that … Continue reading →

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The Snarky Older Sister

Posted on May 18, 2011 by

“Will, you are so freakishly disgusting. I hate the way you chew…you sound like a sick cow.” Anna-11 to Will-10 I love the snarky older sister. She’s fabulous. Sadly, we don’t get to hear from her often enough because either: … Continue reading →

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This Blogging Thing

Posted on May 17, 2011 by

I don’t have a clever kid quote today. It’s pretty hard to top yesterday’s and I’m not sure I want to. I’ve been at this blogging thing for a month now and I’m really having a fantastic time. I’m feeling … Continue reading →

Posted in Blogging, Humor, Life | Tagged , , , , | 29 Comments

The Facts of Life

Posted on May 16, 2011 by

“Jay, here’s the thing about penises…sometimes they just do stuff you can’t control. Nobody knows why. It’s just the way it is.” Will-10 to Jay-8 There’s not a whole lot I can contribute to that…I think that about sums it … Continue reading →

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College Life

Posted on May 13, 2011 by

“Mom, you know how when you go to college you usually live there? Well, do you have to keep your shoes on the whole time?” Jay-8 I love these off-the-wall questions. I can only begin to imagine the scenario he has … Continue reading →

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Puppy Love

Posted on May 12, 2011 by

“Mom, there’s a boy at school that I think might like me. When he’s not trying to trip me, he talks to me about sports I know nothing about and tells me jokes that aren’t really funny. I just laugh … Continue reading →

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He Doesn’t Bite…all the time

Posted on May 12, 2011 by

“Mom, Jay just bit me!” Will-10 “Seriously Mom, it was an accident…I swear! I tripped and my tooth accidentally fell into him.” Jay-8  I’m considering installing a Nanny Cam. There are way too many “accidents” going on in this house. … Continue reading →

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The Trash Can

Posted on May 11, 2011 by

This is an old quote. It took place about a year ago. It’s the quote that made me realize I had become a grumpy mother who spent too much time being frustrated by childhood shenanigans and not enough time laughing … Continue reading →

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Manly Children

Posted on May 10, 2011 by

“But Mom…l like the dirt under my fingernails. It makes me look more manly.” Jay-8 The Top Ten Ways For A Kid To Look More Manly 1. dirty fingernails 2. messy hair…the current look for the under 12 crowd 3. yellow, unbrushed … Continue reading →

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Another Day. Another Bad Idea.

Posted on May 9, 2011 by

Another day. Another bad idea. Here it is… Thinking it’s a good idea to indulge in the forgotten packs of Fun Dip at the bottom of the snack drawer while your parents peacefully sleep in on Mother’s Day morning. Then force … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting, sarcasm | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 16 Comments

Mother’s Day Bliss

Posted on May 8, 2011 by

“Mom, Mom, Mom…I need help! Jay just clocked me and my mouth is gushing blood.” Will-10 “But Mom, it was an accident.” Jay-8 “Don’t believe him Mom…he did it on purpose.” Will-10 “Well, I tackled him on purpose but I clocked … Continue reading →

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Stealing Bases

Posted on May 7, 2011 by

“Jay, stealing bases is like going pee…once you commit to going you can’t stop.” Will-10 to Jay-8

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

The Self-Portrait…with some random dead guy

Posted on May 6, 2011 by

“Hey Will, come check out my self-portrait. I’m hoping it makes history. What do you think?” Jay-8           “Well Jay, it’s pretty good for a kid your age. But what’s up with the dead guy on the windowsill?” Will-10 It is a … Continue reading →

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Simon Cowell

Posted on May 5, 2011 by

“Mom, if Simon Cowell is so rich then why does he always wear the same shirt?” Anna-11

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My Mother’s Twin

Posted on May 5, 2011 by

“Mom, did you know that you have the exact same hair as Steven Tyler? You could almost be twins.” Anna-11 …except for the fact that I’m not a 63-year-old, uber-famous, male, recovered drug-addict, rocker. Putting all that aside, there is … Continue reading →

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A Comfy Chair

Posted on May 4, 2011 by

“Mom, this is the part I don’t understand about school…how come only the teachers get the comfy chairs? I think I would learn a lot better if I had a comfy chair too.”  Jay-8 I think the kid’s got a … Continue reading →

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Driving Blind

Posted on May 3, 2011 by

“Mom, how do blind people drive?” Jay-8 Hmm…I never thought about this. I imagine this could potentially be an enormous problem. Picture the scene…you and your significant other are driving down the highway enjoying the scenery when you notice a … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Playing Hookey

Posted on May 2, 2011 by

“Mom, if I got a concussion would I have to go to school?” Jay-8 This is what I thought… “WTF?!?” But this is what I said… “Jay, why would you ask me that question?” This was his response… “No reason, … Continue reading →

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The Listener

Posted on May 1, 2011 by

“Mom, I’ve decided I’m gonna change my ways. Instead of making you ask me 10 or 11 times to do something, I’m only gonna make you ask me 2 or 3 times. Would that make you so happy?” Jay-8 Sometimes you’ve … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments