“Mom, did you know that if you don’t know the answers on a multiple-choice
test, people say you should always guess ‘C?’ But, that’s a total lie…you should always guess ‘B.’ It’s true…I heard it on the bus.” Will-10
I bet many of you are wishing that you had this valid piece of information when you took those godforsaken SAT’s. Sadly, it might be too late to increase your score, but I’m hoping to enlighten you with the following important information. Where’d I hear it, you ask? I heard it on the bus, of course.
1. “Mom, did you know that if you squirt a juice box up your nose, it will burn your brain and make you immature? That’s why so many kids are addicted to video games. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
2. “Mom, did you know that some people from foreign countries are taught to pee while standing on their heads? It has something to do with their religion. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
3. “Mom, did you know that if you make the bus driver really mad, he’ll put lice on the back of your seat? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
4. “Mom, did you know that the best way to find buried treasure is to follow around a three-legged dog? They have the best sense of smell. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
5. “Mom, did you know that if you pogo-stick naked during a rain storm, while holding a ball between your knees and chanting, ‘Small ball, please don’t fall. In the morning I’ll be 6 feet tall.’ you’ll grow 6 inches overnight? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
6. “Mom, did you know that the best way to get rid of freckles is to eat your own scabs? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
7. “Mom, did you know that if you accidentally get stuck in a nuclear minefield, you should take off your shoes and shuffle your feet? You should also use your cell phone to call your parents for help, but make sure you whisper. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
8. “Mom, did you know that if you sit on your friend’s toilet, you’ll end up marrying his sister? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
9. “Mom, did you know that if you dig a hole to China, you’ll hit water halfway there and then you’ll have to swim the rest of the way? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
10. ”Mom did you know that the reason most kid’s feet stink is because they’re addicted to eating their own boogers? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
What?!? You’re kidding me…you’ve missed the first two installments of I’ve Heard It On The Bus? Giddy up and stay informed by reading…
http://youngamericanwisdom.com/2011/05/23/i-heard-it-on-the-bus/
http://youngamericanwisdom.com/2011/09/09/i-hear-it-on-the-bus-part-ii/
Part III is every bit as excellent as parts I and II!
These are hilarious!! The lice? Oh my gosh!! Too funny. And the toilet seat?! Wow. Brilliant.
Please make sure your kids continue to ride the bus – the information learned on the bust must be shared.
Thanks, Lenore! These are definitely my favorite posts.
I just saw you made a vlog. I can’t wait to watch!
I feel your pain! I have an 8 yr. old who is now using “…a book at school said….” as her rock solid verification process for everything. I don’t know what books she thinks she’s reading, but I am fairly sure that every organism on earth cannot be traced back to stardust and there are no fresh water sharks in the lake where we waterski. I can only guess she was daydreaming during the explanation of the word “fiction”. [Sigh].
I doubt there are sharks in the lake where you ski, but I’d be concerned about large schools of pirannaha.
Nonstepmom! Thanks so much for popping in and for taking the time to comment. I hope you enjoyed the nonsense..
I tried drawing a frownie face out of multiple choice answers once…
not the best strategy. I wish someone would have advised against that on the bus.
Very creative, but when in doubt…pick B!
I think you have the makings of a WikiBusWisdom site…
Great idea. I’m just trying to do my part in keeping the public informed.
Damn SATs. Well, at least now I know about number 5!
Just be careful not to slip.
Right concept on #1, ‘cept it ain’t juice that you need to snort. Just sayin’.
And if you can get all that going in number 5, you don’t NEED to be tall. Cirque Du Soleil is on the line waiting for you!
We actually had a bus driver who got mad at a kid, and took him on a two-hour drive! Seriously, had the cops end up following him and everything! Then again, maybe the fact he had been institutionalised no less than 3 times prior to getting the job MIGHT have been a clue……
And what happens if you’re a guy, your friend is a guy, and he has only brothers?
…you end up marrying your first cousin’s sister on your father’s side.
Well that’s nothing special – at least here in Ohio. (“What’s yer problem? They way yer talkin’, ya’d think she was marryin’ a total STRANGER!”)
I think I hear banjos……
And, it’s true…all of it!
I’m so glad it made you laugh!
I really need to make Dimples start riding the bus. She’s going to have huge gaps in her education.
…but she’ll believe in Santa a little longer than the kids that ride the bus.
So that’s why my daugher is addicted to video games. Curse you, juice box!!
Damn juice boxes…nothing but trouble.
LOL … this stuff is too funny. And I want to see the video of #5.
Imagine all the hits it would get on YouTube!
This is why I drive my kids to school, although think of all the knowledge I am missing out on!
Well, at least now you know how to help them prepare for their SAT’s. I’m happy to help.
Well this explains a lot. If I had only chosen “C” all of those years, I might have been Valedictorian.
Next time around you’ll be much smarter about it.
I’d rather have freckles.
I have noticed on “Who wants to be a millionaire” that Answer C does seem to be the most commonly chosen correct answer. I have even heard contestants say “If in doubt choose C” It’s true I heard it on the TV.
I might consider it if it promised to get rid of wrinkles.
I just realized: “I heard it on the bus” is kids’ way of saying “I read it on the internet!” I like it better when it comes from kids.
Or, for the less technologically savvy…”I read it in the tabloids at the checkout counter!”
Best installment yet! Who the heck is on that bus with them?
A bunch of future geniuses…most of whom still pick their noses.
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I’m so glad I drive my son to school and he doesn’t ride the bus! Kidding! These are hilarious. Even if my DS did hear these things at school, he would probably never repeat them to me, cause what happens at school stays at school. It’s like Vegas. “What did you do today?” “Nothing!” Thanks for sharing these!
Debbie K.
Welcome, Debbie! Rumor has it that they all clam-up at some point, so I worry that my days of hearing school bus lore are numbered.
Thanks so much for working your way over from Twitter. I appreciate your visit.
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