“Mom, guess what? I don’t have any homework because I did it on the bus.
Did you know that it’s a well-known fact that kids who do their homework on the bus get better grades and have more time to play? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.” Jay-9
Hey kids, guess what time it is? No sillies, it’s not Howdy Doody time. It’s something even better…it’s time for another episode of I Heard It On The Bus. So climb aboard, find a seat and listen up…it’s going to be a wild ride.
1. ”Mom, did you hear that President Obama is making a law that kids in middle school have to wear deodorant? The school nurses are going to be forced to do smell checks. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
2. “Mom, did you know that you should never eat the fish sticks they serve in the cafeteria at school? They’re made of dead goldfish collected from local pet stores. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
3. “Mom, did you know that you should never sit next to a spitty-mouth kid on the bus? If you do, you’re guaranteed to have a nasty case of pink eye in the morning. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
4. “Mom, did you know that the cafeteria ladies at school hate kids? They secretly rub the cafeteria floor with butter. It makes their day to see kids fall and drop their lunch. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
5. “Mom, did you know that kids who wear braces are more likely to get struck by lightning? Thousands of kids die each year because the metal in their mouths attract lightning strikes. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
6. “Mom, did you know that most bus drivers drive fast and take chances? They do it because they secretly hate kids and it makes the little kindergartners wet their pants. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
7. “Mom, did you know that it’s a well-known fact that eating the crust on bread will give you a bad case of the farts? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
8. “Mom, did you know that if you say, ’Bloody Mary’ three times while looking in your bathroom mirror, a bloody face will appear? Her ghost will haunt you for the rest of your life and cause you to die of a heart attack at an early age. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
9. “Mom, did you know that you should never wear Spiderman underwear past the 2nd grade? If you do, there’s a good chance you’ll get beat up by lunchtime. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
10. ”Mom, did you know that most school librarians hate kids? They secretly write bad stuff about kids on the bathroom walls at school. Mean stuff like, ‘Joey Z. is a loser. He can’t read.’ It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”
If you missed our last wild ride on the big yellow bus, please don’t fret. Take a look-see at past episodes of I Heard It On The Bus. You’ll be glad you did.
I Heard It On The Bus: Part II
I Heard It On The Bus: Part III
I Heard It On The Bus: Part IV
I hope the Tea Party doesn’t get wind of the deoderant law, it could be disastrous! So much wisdom on that little yellow school bus.
The hell with the Tea Party. I want the ability to walk through the middle school without a clothespin on my nose. Those kids stink!
I never knew there were so many people who hate kids involved in the school system. No wonder SAT scores are falling…
It’s a conspiracy!
What makes these so funny is the itty bitty spark of truth engrained in each one!
Just a smidge.
Number 9 is a know fact. Number 2 explains SO much a to why I don’t like fish. I think they proved number 5, sort of, on Mythbusters, though it was with piercings. And I will absolutely, positively vouch for number 6. I think they hire NASCAR drivers who have gotten too old. (At least, that’s what I heard on the bus…..)
I’ll never be able to walk past a fish tank at PetSmart again without thinking of fish sticks.
ROTFL! I just KNEW bus drivers, cafeteria workers, and school librarians hated kids! I didn’t ride the bus but it’s nice to finally have confirmation.
They must have a secret club.
Number 4 is definitely true.
I heard they use Crisco instead of butter…it’s cheaper.
My brother-in-law is a bus driver. I can vouch for #6. Just don’t tell my brother-in-law I told you.
In defense of school bus drivers, that’s got to be one tough job. It’s no wonder they’re so grumpy. Have you noticed if your brother-in-law begins twitching in the presence of children?
I am all for the middle school deodorant. I remember how smelly we were after puberty.
They should hang deodorant sticks next to the soap dispensers in the school bathrooms…that and tubes of Clearasil.
Oh, the school bus… How I miss those school-ward journey conversations.
Welcome, Lauree! The things you learn on the bus are quite amazing, huh? Sadly, it’s probably where most kids learn the truth about Santa.
Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed the nonsense.
Hey, Santa is real … I don’t care what they say on the bus.
as far as #8 goes, this is true… and, a little known fact re this same phenomenon is – if you say “Highballs” a giraffe will appear. But I caution all of you, do not try this unless you have a really big bathroom. continue…
I think if you drink enough Highballs you’ll start to see giraffes in your bathroom.
Oh, this reminds me of the years my kids took the bus! Amazing what they talk about and there’s a lot to talk about in that 45 minute ride!
I missed so much in my youth. I never rode the school bus!
These were hilarious!
Which reminds me of a little diddy that a friend of ours used to sing to his kids when they were little:
Oh the wheels on the bus go round and round
Now they’re flat,
That is that.
Welcome, Ryoko. You are among friends.
Crazy things are shared when you stick 40 kids together into a small, basically unsupervised, space. The school bus is realIy a world unto itself.
Thanks for sharing your song. That’s the first time I’ve heard of that ending.
Thanks so much for reading!
Well I hope those school nurses on deodorant check get paid a BIG salary. That’s one stinky job!
What do you think would be appropriate? How about a dollar a sniff? Maybe two dollars if the temperature goes above 75.
Please explain #7 and why my son never eat break crust but prides himself on cutting some really funky farts? Do you think he’s sneaking bread crust?
Welcome, Very Busy Mom! I’d start to keep track of your bread crust. It sounds suspicious to me. He may even be selling it on the bus…a nickel a crust. That’s why the windows on the bus are always fogged up…all the farting. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.
Oh, man. I heard that Bloody Mary story on the bus, approximately 25 years ago. It’s STILL with me! (The story, not the bloody head… I hope.) I mean, I heard it on the bus, right? It HAS to be true!
Welcome, Desi! How about the game Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board…remember that one? We used to play it at slumber parties and I swear, it worked. Totally creeped me out!
Thanks so much for reading and for taking the time to comment. I hope you enjoyed the nonsense.
Okay, I can verify that #9 is accurate. I’m a mother of two, young men that were once in elementary school.
…also out are Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, Power Ranger and Batman. We are currently all about stripes and plaids NOT characters.
Bread crusts! I should have known! Now I know why I have the farts.
Is there a deodorant for that?
Cut back on your crusts and you won’t cut as many farts.
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The bloody mary one is still on the bus? that’s where I heard it 20 years ago.
Yes, it’s true! Bloody Mary is still scarring the hell out of children everywhere. My kids are completely freaked out.
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