“Will, you need to call Billy. The poor kid’s called here 3 times. He needs the
homework assignment for English. Ok?”
“Ok.”
“Here’s the phone. Now remember, you can’t continue to call people and say, ‘Hey, it’s me. Who’s this?’ It’s rude and you don’t want to be known as the ‘rude kid.’ Right?”
“Right.”
RING, RING…CLICK
“What happened? Why’d you hang up?”
“I got the answering machine.”
“Why didn’t you leave a message?”
“I didn’t know what to say.”
“Will! We’ve been over this a thousand times! You say, ‘Hi. This is Will. I’m returning Billy’s call. He can call me at home when it’s convenient. Thank you. Good bye.’ This is simple stuff.”
“I can’t say that! It sounds weird…like I’m trying to be a grown-up or something.”
“Well, that’s sorta the point, but go ahead and say it in your own words. Just be polite! Got it?”
“Got it.”
RING, RING
“Uh, yeah. Hey, um…it’s me. Uh, calling you…because I guess you called me. So, I’m calling you back for whatever reason you called because I don’t really know why. Ok? That’s why I’m calling you…to find out. So, uh…call me to tell me what you want. Ok? So, um…that’s about it.”
CLICK
Hahaha… sounds remarkably similar to the ‘greeting’ I recorded for my voice-mail.
Hey, give yourself some credit. At least you made an effort to personalize your message instead of going with the prerecorded computerized message.
Sounds an awful lot like the responses I’d get when I worked our help desk. “This is John, you reported some problem with the system, please call me back with details”. And all I’d have on my voice mail when I’d get back is pretty much Will’s speech!
Guess that means the kid has a future with computers, right? 
I think you’re on to something, John. He is way left-brained and a whiz with a computer.
Maybe there’s a reason he doesn’t want to sound like a grown-up. Maybe Billy has a reputation for beating up grown-ups.
If Billy wasn’t one of the smallest kids in the 6th grade, I might buy that idea.
That is exactly what Dimples sounds like if she deigns to leave a message – which is rarely. Probably because I kind of make fun of her messages.
Will can empathize with Dimples. His lack of phone etiquette is a constant source of entertainment for the rest of the family. Poor kid!
We’ve resorted to writing a script for her before she calls – with a flowchart.
Good idea. I might have to do the same.
I can’t wait to hear what his greeting would be for the answer machine: “Um, hi, this is Will, so whoever you are or why you are calling or umm… just say something or call back later when someone is here to answer the phone.” Can’t blame him, I hate answering machines myself!
I bet it would sound exactly like that! The funniest part is that he is usually never at a loss for words. Most of the time you can’t shut the kid up. The phone messes with his head!
The kid has little use for formalities. He doesn’t see shades of gray….just black and white.
Especially when it comes to my cooking.
Yeah, I’ve left some messages like that! It’s that thing where the first minute of your message sounds great, nice and prepared and concise… but then your inner filter doesn’t tell you to shut the hell up… so you keep talking and repeating the same stuff and giving them your phone number three times.
Hahaha…that is so true! And then you feel like an ass for the rest of the day.
Well I guess he won’t be an annoying telemarketer.
No, at least he has that going for him.
Ahhhh the joys of talking to oneself
lol
Androgoth XXx