“Oh, man, Mom! You’re not making me bring that thermos to school, are
you?”
“Of course I am? What’s wrong with it?”
“Look at it! It’s a crayon. You might as well send me to school in a diaper. I bet even the little kindergarteners will give me a hard time about this one.”
The following is an old post, but I thought it would go along well with this morning’s conversation. Plus, it cracks me up.
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As parents, there are many ways we can ruin our children’s lives. The possibilities are endless. An embarrassing lunch, however, seems to have been overlooked and hasn’t been given enough attention. A poorly packed lunch can destroy a child’s life and ruin their reputation. Brown bag or lunch box? Water bottle or Gatorade? Aluminum foil or Saran Wrap? These are important questions parents must ask themselves before packing lunch. One slip-up and your child will end up in a therapist’s chair for a large portion of their 30′s.
Let’s discuss some possible “embarrassing lunches,” so we can all sleep a little easier at night knowing we’ve avoided at least one major parenting faux pas.
1. A thermos of lukewarm vegetable soup to be eaten with a spaghetti-sauce-stained wooden spoon. The child’s response upon opening the lunch…”My mother sucks. Somebody, please shoot me.”
2. An egg salad sandwich on pumpernickel, a carton of warm milk and a whole carrot, unpeeled. The child’s response upon opening the lunch…”I hate my mother. She wants me to be a loser.”
3. A dishwasher-warped Tupperware container filled with leftover mashed potatoes, a thermos of water and half of a banana. The child’s response upon opening the lunch…”My mother is a social retard. Where can I find a new one?”
4. A squashed cream cheese and jelly sandwich wrapped in aluminum foil, a box of raisins and three crumbly Fig Newton cookies. The child’s response upon opening the lunch…”Kill me now. My mother has ruined my life.”
5. A container of cottage cheese to be eaten with an Elmo spoon that’s been mangled from falling into the garbage disposal one too many times, a baggie of dried fruit and a slice of Velveeta cheese. The child’s response upon opening the lunch…”My mother hates me and doesn’t want me to have any friends.”
6. Liverwurst spread on Saltine crackers, a baggie of prunes and a
tapioca pudding. The child’s response upon opening the lunch…”My mother is a child abuser. Somebody call the social services.”
7. A tuna fish sandwich made with the heels of a high-fiber bread, some celery sticks and a baggie of pickles. The child’s response upon opening the lunch…”I have the worst mother in the world. I need to change schools.”
8. An olive loaf sandwich on marble rye, a baggie of Cheerios and a tomato still attached to the stem. The child’s response upon opening the lunch…”My mother wants me to be a social outcast.”
9. Two cold hot dogs wrapped in Saran Wrap, a baggie of day old popcorn and a half-eaten oatmeal cookie. The child’s response upon opening the lunch…”I hate my life. My mother is the anti-christ.”
10. A pink Barbie thermos filled with this morning’s leftover scrambled eggs, a buttered hot dog bun, and a baggie of wasabi flavored soy nuts. The child’s response upon opening the lunch…“I’m skipping town, changing my name and reinventing myself.”
I would love to hear your own embarrassing lunch stories. Mine was #4 in the 5th grade. Did I mention that I’m currently in therapy?
Nancy, I married those kid’s mother! Not really; she doesn’t pack my lunch a beat up Roy Rogers lunch box. Great post. J.
I think that Roy Rogers lunch box might be worth a small fortune!
Thanks so much for the visit!
Megan would only buy her lunch. Janie would only make her own lunch!
Nancy, she makes her own lunch? I’m impressed! I want to teach my kids to do their own laundry. Now that would be heaven!
Thanks so much for making your way over!
I think I still have my old Wonder Woman lunchbox he can use if he wants to make the rest of the class totally jealous!
Forget about him…I want the Wonder Woman lunch box! I had a Partridge Family lunchbox that I adored as a kid. My dad uses it today to store his shoe polish. Little red-headed Danny Bonaduce has seen better days.
I’m sorry, but I gotta argue with you on number 9. I LOVE popcorn. Fresh, day-old, week-old, soggy, it don’t matter – it’s POPCORN! The rest? Well, ya, no doubt you’re trying to make a psychiatrist VERY wealthy in the future. But popcorn? I’ll follow you anywhere!
Movie theater popcorn is the best, but I feel like I should be hospitalized every time I eat it. I think I heard you’re better off eating 3 super-duper deluxe value meals from McDonalds rather than eat that popcorn. Heart attack city!
Yeah, but it’s the same ideas as when my wife catches my ogling some young, athletic beauty and says “And if you tried anything, she’d probably kill ya!”. To which I always reply “Yeah, but what a heckuva way to go!”
)
(Don’t worry, in real life, I’m very well behaved. Assuming you catch me on one of my few trip into real life…..
Yeah, I was the one with the dry tuna salad. I used to squeeze the shit out of that stuff so the bread wouldn’t be so soggy. Even with mayo, it was dry. My kids said it was like sawdust between two pieces of bread. Ok, my bad. Moms never do anything right. And you can’t make them happy either. The school lunches suck, you suck, the school sucks, the bus sucks, teachers suck…you get the idea. If they had it their way, they’d be able to sleep til 11, have pizza for breakfast/lunch, stroll into school for an hour, then come home. Day done.
And what’s up with not wanting to wear a jacket? Jackets suck! They all want to wear hoodies and freeze to death.
It’s not cool. Plus either you have to walk around with the coat all day or it’s a pain to go back to the locker.
And you probably can’t draw with it, either!
What gives?!
I know, right? That thermos is a bunch of crap…and completely mortifying.
I became cool when I upgraded from a lunch box to a brown lunch bag
I’m still not cool. Maybe I should carry around a brown lunch bag with me instead of a purse. Think it will help?
Half a banana in water??? What sort of mother would do this???
I’m so glad you don’t make my lunch
Packing lunch is one of my least favorite parenting jobs. It ranks slightly below changing diapers.
That Barbie thermos sounds pretty hip to me.
a hip flask
I could use my own Barbie hip flask, especially during homework time.
“the beautiful blogger award” awaits you. click here to redeem: http://bringingupbuddhas.com/2012/11/05/my-first-blogger-award-aw-shucks/ peace, sister!
You are so kind! You’ve made my day. I’ll be over shortly to check it out.
repost that little icon on your blog and do what i did. looking forward to seeing who you pass it on to.