Me: Jay, did you brush your teeth?
Jay: Yup. If you don’t believe me, you can even ask Will.
Will: He did. I saw him…using MY toothbrush!
Jay: What? I couldn’t find mine.
Will: Mom, I can’t take it anymore! The kid uses my toothbrush, doesn’t rinse it and then leaves it on the back of the toilet. Plus, I found his flosser on the floor next to the toilet. It’s disgusting! You’ve gotta build another bathroom.
Jay: Hey! That’s hurtful.
Me: Jay, don’t use your brother’s toothbrush again. That’s how you spread germs.
Jay: But I’m not even sick.
Me: Just don’t do it, ok? It’s gross.
Jay: You know, I’d let you guys use my toothbrush. I guess that just proves I’m a nicer person.
Will: Jay, I’d let all of my teeth fall out before I used your toothbrush.
Jay: Well, I find that extremely offensive. And you know what, Will? Because you’re being so mean and hateful, I’m not gonna invite you to my next Cheese Show.
Will: Jay, honestly, I don’t even care.
Jay: Actually, I think you will care because I wrote a beautiful inspiring story about cheese and now you’re never gonna hear it because you choose to be selfish with your toothbrush.