Author Archives: youngamericanwisdom.com

About youngamericanwisdom.com

A mother's plight to find the funny in the frustrating and save her sanity.

Jay X

Posted on May 13, 2013

I agreed to help out Will & Jay by giving them another plug for their latest YouTube creation. They debuted this little treasure of nonsense for the family after Mother’s Day dinner. So, once again, I present The Boxhead Scallywags…

Posted in Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , | 11 Comments

Say What?

Posted on May 10, 2013

“Mom, you look like some sort of strange spider monkey in oversized sunglasses and your armpits smell like the airport bar in the Philadelphia Airport, you know the one with the really good cheese fries? But you know what? I … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , | 14 Comments

Cat Fight

Posted on May 8, 2013

Anna:  God, Mom! I’m so irritated today. Ugh! Me:  Me, too. Must be the rain. Wanna fight? Anna:  Ok. What should we fight about? Me:  I don’t care. Go ahead, I’ll let you pick. Anna:  Umm…how about how annoying it is … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , | 30 Comments

Underwear Worms

Posted on May 6, 2013

Me:  Jay, did you shower? Jay:  Yup. Me:  Then how come only the back of your head is wet? Jay:  I guess the front of my head dries fast. Me:  Did you at least use soap? Jay:  Yup. Me:  Is … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , | 20 Comments

For the Love of Oscar Mayer

Posted on May 3, 2013

“Mom, you know how Dad is really good at cooking hot dogs?                         Well, I think he should open a restaurant and call it Dad’s House of Wieners.” I think there’s some truth to that old saying, “You are what you eat.”  Happy Friday, … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , | 4 Comments

You Stuck What Where?

Posted on April 10, 2013

Will:  It hurts! Me:   Well, of course it does. Why would you do something so stupid? Will:  Jay told me to. Am I going to be ok? Me:   I’m not sure at what point taking medical advice from your 10-year-old brother … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 20 Comments

You Better Let Her Sing

Jay:  Mom, you’re never gonna believe this, but today at recess, a bunch of girls on the playground called me over. They were standing in a group with their arms crossed and their hands on their hips. I was sorta scared … Continue reading →

Aside | Posted on March 14, 2013 | Tagged , , , , , , | 16 Comments

Jerry Garcia Has Seen Me Naked

Posted on March 7, 2013

Will:  Mom, what’s up with the strange guy in the shower? I hate how he’s always staring at me. Me:  Try not to make eye contact. Maybe you’ll forget he’s there. Will:  I’ve tried. I’m thinking about wearing my bathing … Continue reading →

Posted in comedy, funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 18 Comments

He No Speak Chinese

Posted on March 1, 2013

Me:  Alright! Which one of you thought it would be a good idea to smear your dirty fingers all over the inside of my car windows? You know, the same car windows I just cleaned? Will:  Oh, that? That was me, but … Continue reading →

Posted in comedy, funny kid quotes, Humor, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , | 15 Comments

The Mama Lisa

Posted on February 27, 2013

Jay:  Mom, just so you know, I’m drawing your portrait right this very minute. Me:  Ok, great. Jay:  Try to act natural, just keep packing lunch. Oh, and while you’re at it, stick in a few extra packs of fruit snacks, would … Continue reading →

Posted in comedy, funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , | 25 Comments

Young American Wisdom Does The Harlem Shake

Posted on February 22, 2013

We couldn’t miss out on an opportunity to act completely ridiculous…grandparents included.

Posted in Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 24 Comments

Vitamin Boy

Posted on February 21, 2013

Jay:  Hey, Mom! Remember when I was little and crawled up on the counter and ate half a bottle of vitamins? I almost had to get my stomach pumped, right? Me:  Yes, you did! I had to call Poison Control. I still can’t … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 18 Comments

Asparagus, Rap and the Thousand Paper Cranes

Posted on February 13, 2013

Me:  Jay, please eat your asparagus. Jay:  But it’s disgusting. Me:  Just eat it. It’s good for you. Jay:  I think it’s really unfair that everything that’s good for you has to taste so bad. Me:  It’s just the way it is. Now, eat it. … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 17 Comments

Don’t Answer The Phone…it’s embarrassing!

Posted on February 6, 2013

Me:  Anna Kate, Katy called. I told her you’d call her right back. AK:  She called on the house phone? That’s weird. Me:  No. She called on your phone. AK:  Oh My God, Mom! You answered my phone? Me:  Of course, I … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , | 31 Comments

Don’t Touch My Toothbrush!

Posted on February 1, 2013

Me:  Jay, did you brush your teeth? Jay:  Yup. If you don’t believe me, you can even ask Will. Will:  He did. I saw him…using MY toothbrush! Me:  Jay! Jay:  What? I couldn’t find mine. Will:  Mom, I can’t take … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 22 Comments

The Boxhead Scallywags

Posted on January 28, 2013

I will most likely regret this, but in a moment of weakness, I promised that I’d give them a plug. Plus, they promised to clean their rooms. So, here they are making their debut on YouTube… The Box Head Scallywags. Keep your … Continue reading →

Posted in comedy, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , | 28 Comments

Happily Ever After

Posted on January 25, 2013

“Mom, when I grow up, I’m gonna marry a girl that likes to drink a lot of beer.” At least he has goals.                                          Happy Friday, everyone. Cheers!

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids | Tagged , , , , , , , | 18 Comments

Let’s Make A Deal

Posted on January 23, 2013

“Mom, I don’t get why you’re so mad. It’s only considered bribery when you do it to the government. Then it’s illegal and you can get thrown in jail, I get that part. But, there’s nothing wrong with offering your … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 21 Comments

Is That A Booger?

Posted on January 18, 2013

Jay:  Mom, you know how Katy Perry wrote that Firework song to inspirate people? Me:  You mean to ‘inspire’ people? A booger-free Katy Perry is an inpiration. Jay:  Yeah. That’s what I just said. Me:  Oh, ok. Yes. I know the … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 18 Comments

Cheesy Art Show

Posted on January 14, 2013

Art shows are the new rage in my home. The artist shows up to his event wearing his finest. He’s dressed to impress in a wrinkled dress shirt, basketball shorts, mismatched socks and loafers. Stray cookie crumbs decorate the corners … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , | 21 Comments

It Smells Like A Bad Bear

Posted on January 10, 2013

“Mom, I need to warn you. When you come to my school, DO NOT snuggle up to the giant teddy bear in Mrs. B’s class. I don’t care how cute you think he is, whatever you do, don’t go near him…he’s filled … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 19 Comments

The Birds, The Bees And A Couple Of Milkshakes

Posted on January 8, 2013

Will:  Can someone pass the ketchup, please? Me:  You know what, Will? I think you have that Sex-Ed talk coming up in school soon. Dad and I want to have a little chat with you before it starts, just in case … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 36 Comments

No, I’m Not Dead

Posted on December 7, 2012

I’ve been a horrible blogger. It’s true. I mean well. I really do. Each day, I set out intending to hop on here and share some witty words of wisdom, but inevitably, I am sidetracked. Who would have guessed that this child … Continue reading →

Posted in comedy, crazy kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 31 Comments

I Heard It On The Bus: XII

Posted on November 8, 2012

“Mom, did you know that you’ll have less stress in your life if you grow-up to be a professional poker player instead of the President of the United States? Plus, you’ll make more money and get to wear really cool sunglasses. … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 29 Comments

Another Embarrassing Lunch

Posted on October 24, 2012

“Oh, man, Mom! You’re not making me bring that thermos to school, are you?” “Of course I am? What’s wrong with it?” “Look at it! It’s a crayon. You might as well send me to school in a diaper. I … Continue reading →

Posted in comedy, funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 24 Comments

Mr. McFarty Pants

Posted on October 19, 2012

“Mom, when I grow-up, I’m gonna invent a Fart Detector to bust all the people who lie about farting. Then, I’m gonna write a book called The Fart Finder. It’s about this guy named Mr. McFarty Pants who travels the world … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 30 Comments

Totally Craptastic!

Posted on October 12, 2012

“Mom, just so you know…the toilet paper in this house isn’t working. Oh, and by the way, I decided that on Crazy Mismatch Day, I’m gonna wear my underwear on the outside of my clothes.” Jay-10 Happy Friday, everyone!

Posted in crazy kid quotes, funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 24 Comments

A Writing Hangover

Posted on October 4, 2012

I find writing to be a lot like drinking. After a cocktail or two, I feel like the most fascinating person in the world. Sorta like the Dos Equis guy, only less mannish and minus the accent. It’s not until the next morning, when I’m left with a … Continue reading →

Posted in Blogging, Humor, Life, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 41 Comments

I Heard It On The Bus: Part XI

Posted on September 28, 2012

I recently received the loveliest rejection letter from the editor of MAD Magazine for my submission of I Heard It On The Bus. I know, you don’t usually associate the word lovely with MAD Magazine or rejection, but honestly, their thanks-but-no-thanks letter … Continue reading →

Posted in crazy kid quotes, funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 28 Comments

Does Medicare Pay For Playboy?

Posted on September 24, 2012

RING, RING… “Hello?” “Nancy, it’s your 78-year-old mother-in-law. Listen, I need you to tell me where I can buy a Playboy magazine.”  “Excuse me? Did you just ask me where to buy pornography?” “Yes, dear. I haven’t a clue where … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Life, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 25 Comments

The Insane Mom

Posted on September 21, 2012

“Jay, what’s this?” “Oh, that? It’s just a little something I’ve been working on. Hey, but don’t worry…it’s not about you. I swear!”   Should I be concerned?

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , | 28 Comments

Are You Gonna Eat That?

Posted on September 20, 2012

“Mom, are you pregnant? I’ve noticed how much you’ve been eating lately.” This is what I said… “No…I am not, young lady! And listen to me, it’s never polite to ask someone if they’re pregnant…even your own mother!” But this … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , | 19 Comments

Answer Promptly With A Smile

Posted on September 17, 2012

“Will, you need to call Billy. The poor kid’s called here 3 times. He needs the homework assignment for English. Ok?” “Ok.” “Here’s the phone. Now remember, you can’t continue to call people and say, ‘Hey, it’s me. Who’s this?’ It’s rude … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 19 Comments

Go Ahead, Quit Your Day Job

Posted on September 14, 2012

“Dad, does is totally suck to have to go to work everyday?” “No, I wouldn’t say that, but I’d much rather hang out with you guys all day. And, by the way, watch your mouth, mister.” “So, they don’t give … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 16 Comments

Is Your Refrigerator Running?

Posted on September 13, 2012

“Will, did you take your cell phone, which is supposed to be used for emergencies only, to school and prank call your sister from the bus this morning?” “I did…we thought it would be funny!” “Who’s ‘we?’” “Everybody on the … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 16 Comments

He Ain’t No Fred Astaire

Posted on September 12, 2012

“Mom, if you make me sign-up for Ballroom dancing at school, I’ll be forced to run away, probably to Mexico and then you’ll be down to just 2 kids. I thought you should know.” Will-11 As tempting as this may … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , | 17 Comments

Slightly Clueless

Posted on September 10, 2012

“Mom, I think it would be really hard to start-up a new country. I mean, think of how stressful it would be to come up with a national anthem. And, what about all the pressure involved in designing a new flag? I … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting, Plight | Tagged , , , , , , , | 17 Comments

I’m Seriously Serious

Posted on September 5, 2012

“Mom, I always put an exclamation point after my name so that people will know to take me seriously.” I think there are more than a few politicians out there that should consider this same approach.

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 17 Comments

I Heard It On The Bus: Part X

Posted on August 28, 2012

“Mom, did you know that the best kind of teachers are the ones that laugh at your jokes and don’t send you to the principal’s office? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.” In celebration of the start of school … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 29 Comments

Jayisms

Posted on May 25, 2012

“Mom, I’m thinking about starting my own blog. I’ve got a lot of important stuff to say.” “Oh, really?” “Yeah, but I’m having a hard time picking a title. If you let me, this is what I’m thinking… 1.  My Stupid Sister … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 22 Comments