Tag Archives: comedy

Jay X

Posted on May 13, 2013 by

I agreed to help out Will & Jay by giving them another plug for their latest YouTube creation. They debuted this little treasure of nonsense for the family after Mother’s Day dinner. So, once again, I present The Boxhead Scallywags…

Posted in Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , | 11 Comments

Say What?

Posted on May 10, 2013 by

“Mom, you look like some sort of strange spider monkey in oversized sunglasses and your armpits smell like the airport bar in the Philadelphia Airport, you know the one with the really good cheese fries? But you know what? I … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , | 14 Comments

Cat Fight

Posted on May 8, 2013 by

Anna:  God, Mom! I’m so irritated today. Ugh! Me:  Me, too. Must be the rain. Wanna fight? Anna:  Ok. What should we fight about? Me:  I don’t care. Go ahead, I’ll let you pick. Anna:  Umm…how about how annoying it is … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , | 30 Comments

Underwear Worms

Posted on May 6, 2013 by

Me:  Jay, did you shower? Jay:  Yup. Me:  Then how come only the back of your head is wet? Jay:  I guess the front of my head dries fast. Me:  Did you at least use soap? Jay:  Yup. Me:  Is … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , | 20 Comments

You Stuck What Where?

Posted on April 10, 2013 by

Will:  It hurts! Me:   Well, of course it does. Why would you do something so stupid? Will:  Jay told me to. Am I going to be ok? Me:   I’m not sure at what point taking medical advice from your 10-year-old brother … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 20 Comments

You Better Let Her Sing

Jay:  Mom, you’re never gonna believe this, but today at recess, a bunch of girls on the playground called me over. They were standing in a group with their arms crossed and their hands on their hips. I was sorta scared … Continue reading →

Aside | Posted on March 14, 2013 by | Tagged , , , , , , | 16 Comments

Jerry Garcia Has Seen Me Naked

Posted on March 7, 2013 by

Will:  Mom, what’s up with the strange guy in the shower? I hate how he’s always staring at me. Me:  Try not to make eye contact. Maybe you’ll forget he’s there. Will:  I’ve tried. I’m thinking about wearing my bathing … Continue reading →

Posted in comedy, funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 18 Comments

He No Speak Chinese

Posted on March 1, 2013 by

Me:  Alright! Which one of you thought it would be a good idea to smear your dirty fingers all over the inside of my car windows? You know, the same car windows I just cleaned? Will:  Oh, that? That was me, but … Continue reading →

Posted in comedy, funny kid quotes, Humor, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , | 15 Comments

The Mama Lisa

Posted on February 27, 2013 by

Jay:  Mom, just so you know, I’m drawing your portrait right this very minute. Me:  Ok, great. Jay:  Try to act natural, just keep packing lunch. Oh, and while you’re at it, stick in a few extra packs of fruit snacks, would … Continue reading →

Posted in comedy, funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , | 25 Comments

Young American Wisdom Does The Harlem Shake

Posted on February 22, 2013 by

We couldn’t miss out on an opportunity to act completely ridiculous…grandparents included.

Posted in Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 24 Comments

Vitamin Boy

Posted on February 21, 2013 by

Jay:  Hey, Mom! Remember when I was little and crawled up on the counter and ate half a bottle of vitamins? I almost had to get my stomach pumped, right? Me:  Yes, you did! I had to call Poison Control. I still can’t … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 18 Comments

Asparagus, Rap and the Thousand Paper Cranes

Posted on February 13, 2013 by

Me:  Jay, please eat your asparagus. Jay:  But it’s disgusting. Me:  Just eat it. It’s good for you. Jay:  I think it’s really unfair that everything that’s good for you has to taste so bad. Me:  It’s just the way it is. Now, eat it. … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 17 Comments

Don’t Answer The Phone…it’s embarrassing!

Posted on February 6, 2013 by

Me:  Anna Kate, Katy called. I told her you’d call her right back. AK:  She called on the house phone? That’s weird. Me:  No. She called on your phone. AK:  Oh My God, Mom! You answered my phone? Me:  Of course, I … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , | 31 Comments

Don’t Touch My Toothbrush!

Posted on February 1, 2013 by

Me:  Jay, did you brush your teeth? Jay:  Yup. If you don’t believe me, you can even ask Will. Will:  He did. I saw him…using MY toothbrush! Me:  Jay! Jay:  What? I couldn’t find mine. Will:  Mom, I can’t take … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 22 Comments

The Boxhead Scallywags

Posted on January 28, 2013 by

I will most likely regret this, but in a moment of weakness, I promised that I’d give them a plug. Plus, they promised to clean their rooms. So, here they are making their debut on YouTube… The Box Head Scallywags. Keep your … Continue reading →

Posted in comedy, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , | 28 Comments

Happily Ever After

Posted on January 25, 2013 by

“Mom, when I grow up, I’m gonna marry a girl that likes to drink a lot of beer.” At least he has goals.                                          Happy Friday, everyone. Cheers!

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids | Tagged , , , , , , , | 18 Comments

Let’s Make A Deal

Posted on January 23, 2013 by

“Mom, I don’t get why you’re so mad. It’s only considered bribery when you do it to the government. Then it’s illegal and you can get thrown in jail, I get that part. But, there’s nothing wrong with offering your … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 21 Comments

Is That A Booger?

Posted on January 18, 2013 by

Jay:  Mom, you know how Katy Perry wrote that Firework song to inspirate people? Me:  You mean to ‘inspire’ people? A booger-free Katy Perry is an inpiration. Jay:  Yeah. That’s what I just said. Me:  Oh, ok. Yes. I know the … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 18 Comments

Cheesy Art Show

Posted on January 14, 2013 by

Art shows are the new rage in my home. The artist shows up to his event wearing his finest. He’s dressed to impress in a wrinkled dress shirt, basketball shorts, mismatched socks and loafers. Stray cookie crumbs decorate the corners … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , | 21 Comments

It Smells Like A Bad Bear

Posted on January 10, 2013 by

“Mom, I need to warn you. When you come to my school, DO NOT snuggle up to the giant teddy bear in Mrs. B’s class. I don’t care how cute you think he is, whatever you do, don’t go near him…he’s filled … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 19 Comments

The Birds, The Bees And A Couple Of Milkshakes

Posted on January 8, 2013 by

Will:  Can someone pass the ketchup, please? Me:  You know what, Will? I think you have that Sex-Ed talk coming up in school soon. Dad and I want to have a little chat with you before it starts, just in case … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 36 Comments

No, I’m Not Dead

Posted on December 7, 2012 by

I’ve been a horrible blogger. It’s true. I mean well. I really do. Each day, I set out intending to hop on here and share some witty words of wisdom, but inevitably, I am sidetracked. Who would have guessed that this child … Continue reading →

Posted in comedy, crazy kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 31 Comments

I Heard It On The Bus: XII

Posted on November 8, 2012 by

“Mom, did you know that you’ll have less stress in your life if you grow-up to be a professional poker player instead of the President of the United States? Plus, you’ll make more money and get to wear really cool sunglasses. … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 29 Comments

Another Embarrassing Lunch

Posted on October 24, 2012 by

“Oh, man, Mom! You’re not making me bring that thermos to school, are you?” “Of course I am? What’s wrong with it?” “Look at it! It’s a crayon. You might as well send me to school in a diaper. I … Continue reading →

Posted in comedy, funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 24 Comments

Mr. McFarty Pants

Posted on October 19, 2012 by

“Mom, when I grow-up, I’m gonna invent a Fart Detector to bust all the people who lie about farting. Then, I’m gonna write a book called The Fart Finder. It’s about this guy named Mr. McFarty Pants who travels the world … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 30 Comments

Totally Craptastic!

Posted on October 12, 2012 by

“Mom, just so you know…the toilet paper in this house isn’t working. Oh, and by the way, I decided that on Crazy Mismatch Day, I’m gonna wear my underwear on the outside of my clothes.” Jay-10 Happy Friday, everyone!

Posted in crazy kid quotes, funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 24 Comments

I Heard It On The Bus: Part XI

Posted on September 28, 2012 by

I recently received the loveliest rejection letter from the editor of MAD Magazine for my submission of I Heard It On The Bus. I know, you don’t usually associate the word lovely with MAD Magazine or rejection, but honestly, their thanks-but-no-thanks letter … Continue reading →

Posted in crazy kid quotes, funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 28 Comments

Does Medicare Pay For Playboy?

Posted on September 24, 2012 by

RING, RING… “Hello?” “Nancy, it’s your 78-year-old mother-in-law. Listen, I need you to tell me where I can buy a Playboy magazine.”  “Excuse me? Did you just ask me where to buy pornography?” “Yes, dear. I haven’t a clue where … Continue reading →

Posted in Humor, Life, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 25 Comments

You Smelt It, You Dealt It!

Posted on October 4, 2011 by

“Jay, I think I’m pretty lucky that I never have to fart at school.” Will-10 “Not me, man…when I accidentally fart in school, I just make a surprised face and look at the kid next to me.” Jay-8 You’ve got … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 46 Comments

Indoor Plumbing Is Overrated

Posted on September 30, 2011 by

“Mom, I need you! Jay just ripped open the bathroom door and chucked a teddy bear at my head. He screwed up my aim and now there’s a huge mess in there…it’s not my fault.”  Will-10 It’s all fun and … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 40 Comments

Mmmm…You Smell Just Like Aisle 5

Posted on September 28, 2011 by

“Mom, did you know that the best smell in the whole world is the smell of Toys “R” Us? I love it! If I ever grow-up and get a wife, I want her to smell just like Toys “R” Us. I … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 43 Comments

This American’s Got Talent

Posted on September 26, 2011 by

“Mom, you’ve gotta see this. Jay is drinking chocolate milk out of his belly button…with a straw!”  Will-10 about Jay-8 I’m so proud. I think this is worthy of mention in this year’s Christmas card. Dear Friends and Family, Season’s … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 44 Comments

I Heard It On The Bus: Part III

Posted on September 23, 2011 by

“Mom, did you know that if you don’t know the answers on a multiple-choice test, people say you should always guess ‘C?’ But, that’s a total lie…you should always guess ‘B.’ It’s true…I heard it on the bus.” Will-10 I bet many of … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 43 Comments

Captain Underpants Wears Dirty Underwear…and likes it!

Posted on September 21, 2011 by

“Mom, seriously, it’s not a big deal. They’re not that dirty. If they look clean, I always put the same underwear back on after I shower. It saves time.”  Jay-8 I thought it was a given…take a shower, put on clean … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 40 Comments

I Wish I Was A Circus Freak

Posted on September 16, 2011 by

“Hey, Mom…come here! You wanna see something really cool? Look…I can scratch my head with my toes. Isn’t that amazing? Do you think they’ll put me in the record books for this?” Jay-8 I highly doubt they’ll put him in … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 39 Comments

Superman Was A Slacker

Posted on September 15, 2011 by

“Mom, if you were a superhero, would you rather read minds or see into the future? I’d definitely pick reading minds because that way I’d never have to study for a test again. I could just read my teacher’s mind … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 30 Comments

I Suggest You Braid It…maybe start a new trend

Posted on September 13, 2011 by

“Hey, Jay! What do you think you’re gonna do if you end up with a lot of chest hair when you grow up? I think I’ll probably just shave mine off.” Will-10 “Nah, I’m not gonna shave mine cause I … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 34 Comments

I Heard It On The Bus: Part II

Posted on September 9, 2011 by

“Mom, just wait till you hear what I                                                                        learned on the bus today. You are gonna                                                                 LOVE it! Ready? Ok. Now, watch and listen… ‘Milk, milk, lemonade, around the corner fudge is made.’ Isn’t that totally hilarious? I can’t wait … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 52 Comments

Would You Do It For 5 Bucks?

Posted on September 7, 2011 by

“Will, going forward, you are absolutely NOT allowed to do your brother’s homework…even if he begs you and promises to give you all of his money. Do you understand me?” Me to Will-10  The handwriting was my first tip-off, the guilty … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 30 Comments

My Favorite Vegetable Is A Corn Dog

Posted on August 9, 2011 by

“Mom, I’ve got a question for you…did the Hopi American Indians eat a lot of corn dogs? I hear they really liked their corn.”  Jay-8 For those of you who were wondering about the duct tape… Apparently, this kid takes … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 22 Comments