Follow a mother's plight to find the funny in the frustrating and save her sanity. She will use this as blackmail, you can use it for birth control.
Young American Wisdom in 140 characters or less…
- My metabolism has betrayed me. I hate the bastard. #GiveMeBackMyOldAss 6 days ago
- My life is a continuous round trip to the grocery store where my list gets lost in produce & I end up pushing the cart with the bum wheel. 1 week ago
- @becomingcliche Lovely! Make that 2 more accounts I need to stalk. Thanks so much & have a great Mother's Day! 1 week ago
Don’t Steal My Stuff…my kids will cry!© Young American Wisdom 2011
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Tag Archives: funny
“Oh, man, Mom! You’re not making me bring that thermos to school, are you?” “Of course I am? What’s wrong with it?” “Look at it! It’s a crayon. You might as well send me to school in a diaper. I … Continue reading
“Mom, just so you know…the toilet paper in this house isn’t working. Oh, and by the way, I decided that on Crazy Mismatch Day, I’m gonna wear my underwear on the outside of my clothes.” Jay-10 Happy Friday, everyone!
“Mom, don’t worry. I never sit on a public toilet. I just take my pants off and lay them on the toilet seat. Ya know, to protect me from all the gross germs.” Jay-9 Apparently, he has decided that this … Continue reading
“Mom, just wait till you hear what I learned on the bus today. You are gonna LOVE it! Ready? Ok. Now, watch and listen… ‘Milk, milk, lemonade, around the corner fudge is made.’ Isn’t that totally hilarious? I can’t wait … Continue reading
Have you noticed that WordPress has decided to post your Subscriber Stats on your Home page? You haven’t? Well, go take a look. There they are, right above your cute little Subscription button…your subsciber count. See it? Great. Now tell me…what do … Continue reading
“Mom, come here and smell me. I took a 15 second shower and I swear I got everything…even the stinkiest parts. It might just be a world record. C’mon, come closer and take a real good smell. Smell me like you’ve never smelled me … Continue reading
“Mom, if I were rich and famous, I would always wear a wet suit in the shower. I think it would be way too risky without one.” Will-10 There seems to be rampant paranoia in this house. I bet they’ve been reading … Continue reading
“Mom, I want you to stand on the front porch when my bus passes, but please don’t look at the bus and definitely don’t wave or shout out.” Anna-11 I guess cartwheels down the sidewalk would be out of the question.
“Oh My God, Mom! You can Not be serious! Why would you buy those? They’re completely stupid and weird. The ones I had last year were so much better, these stink! Do you have any idea how embarrassing they are? I’m … Continue reading
“Mom, I realized something was up with the whole Tooth Fairy story when I found out kids at school were getting $10 bucks a tooth and all I got was a stinking buck…and mine didn’t even have cavities!” Anna-10 I … Continue reading
“Mom, are you positively positive there aren’t any security cameras in public bathrooms? Because if there are…I might ask you to put me back in diapers.” Jay-8
“Mom, no offense or anything, but I can’t hold your hand anymore. I mean, I still sorta wanna and I still really like you a whole bunch, but if anyone saw me holding your hand it would ruin my life. … Continue reading
“Mom, when you were a kid, did you ever ask to go to the bathroom at school just to get out of class because you were bored?” Will-10 …and then lock all the stall doors and sneak underneath? So tell … Continue reading
“Mom, it’s not like I want to get married because girls are weird, but if you made me, I’d probably pick Emma Watson. You know her, she’s that Hermione girl from Harry Potter. She seems like she’d be ok. Plus, I … Continue reading
“Mom, this is gonna sound crazy, but I swear…someone in this house farted on my waffles. And, it definitely wasn’t me.” Jay-8 With that, I bid you all farewell. In approximately 2 hours, 58 minutes and 35 seconds, I will … Continue reading
“Mom, here’s the thing I just don’t get… how in the heck can Jay and Anna look just like Daddy when they came out of you?” Will-10 “Go ask your father.”
“Mom, Anna called me stupid. It’s true, she did.” Jay-8 “No, I didn’t. You’re lying. I called Will stupid. So there!” Anna-11 “Yup, that’s right. She called me stupid. I’m the stupid one. Jay’s just trying to start trouble.” Will-10 … Continue reading
“Mom, did you know that spaghetti is my favorite food? Well, it’s true. I think it’s pretty cool that spaghetti is just chinese food that comes from Spain. Ya know, I’ve always wanted to go to Spain…to eat the spaghetti, … Continue reading
“Mom, I think you better check Jay’s backpack before we get to the airport.” Will-10 Backpack Contents 1. Musket (Civil War toy replica) 2. 3 stuffed animals 3. favorite blanket 4. Rosary Beads (glow-in-the-dark version) 5. old phone charger (without … Continue reading
“Jay, here’s the thing about girls…they’re mean, really mean. The worst part is they think they’re really nice, but they’re not. The only good ones are the really old ones…like mom.” Will-10 to Jay-8 Hey! Wait a second…
“Mom, if you’re wondering why I’m sitting here, it’s because Daddy put me in time out for accidentally farting on Will.” Jay-8
“Mom, when I’m older I might wanna be one of those scuba diving dudes. If I can make it all the way there and back, with enough air in my tank, I think I’ll probably dive down to the Titanic. Ya know, just … Continue reading
“Mom, you are the best cook ever. This tastes SO good! I swear, this just might be the best thing you ever cooked. I love it! I bet you could be a cook in a fancy restaurant and make like a … Continue reading
“Mom, can you make my meatball sandwich without sauce? I hate when my meatballs are saucy….the sauce makes it disgusting. And please, no cheese. I hate when it’s cheesy…it makes me want to throw-up. Oh, and one more thing…can you … Continue reading
“Mom, if you had to live your life as a SpongeBob character, who would you pick?” Jay-8 I would definitely pick Sandy Cheeks even though I sometimes feel like Squidward, especially on Monday mornings. Who would you pick?
“Mom, I think it really stinks that all the food that’s good for me tastes so bad and all the food that’s bad for me tastes so good. The worst part is you’re always forcing me to eat the stuff that … Continue reading
“Mom, please don’t dance.” Anna-11 ………. “Mom, please don’t embarrass me.” “Anna, how could I possibly embarrass you?” “You have your ways.” “My ways? Give me an example.” “Well, your dancing, for one.” “My dancing is fabulous. What … Continue reading
“Mom, I think I’ve got a problem…What does it mean when you check for your pulse and it’s not there? Mine’s been gone for a few days. Is that bad? Jay-8
“Mom, Jay keeps calling me a nerd. Just so you know…if he calls me a nerd again, I’m probably going to beat him up.” Will-10 “Mom, Will is being mean to me for no reason. He said he’s going to beat … Continue reading
“Mom, who were those guys, from like a 100 years ago, that wrote that thing? I think they were around right after Jesus. You know, those guys with the white fuzzy hair. They were all best friends with George Washington. You … Continue reading
“Where are my Bobby pins? Who took my Bobby pins? Why would someone take my Bobby pins?”
“Mom, just so you know…I didn’t do it. There was a cup of juice, that wasn’t mine, that accidentally spilled on the coffee table, but it wasn’t my fault. I just found it there, all by itself with spillage everywhere. … Continue reading
“Mom, Jay snuck into my room and stole all the gum out of my gumball machine.” Will-10 “No, I didn’t! I only stole some of it.” Jay-8 “Jay, you stole 98% of it. You left me with 2 pieces.” Will-10 “Will, … Continue reading
“Will, you can NOT let Mom put your sandwich in THAT container for lunch?” Jay-8 “Why not? I can’t eat a squished sandwich.” Will-10 “Why?!? Because it says, ‘Lunch-Munch, Yum-Yum’ and there are happy animals dancing on the lid. You … Continue reading
“Mom, why the heck is lobster so expensive? Do you think those lobster guys get a lot of money fishing for lobsters? Cause if they do, I might wanna be a lobster guy. I bet they make like a million … Continue reading
“Jay, the most expensive Lamborghini is more expensive than the most expensive Ferrari, which is more expensive than the most expensive Porsche…it’s true.” Will-10 “Will, I would definitely rather have the most expensive Lamborghini than the most expensive Ferrari.” Jay-8 … Continue reading
“Mom, there’s a piece of pepperoni in my cereal.” Jay-8 “Jay, you’re eating Cheerios. How would a piece of pepperoni end up in your bowl?” “Oh! Nevermind. It’s just my gum.” Jay-8 Yes, I know. Where did he get the … Continue reading
“Mom, I think it would be really cool to go to China someday. I hear the plane ride is really long, but Will told me that they give out free massages on the plane.” Jay-8 “Hey Will, did you tell … Continue reading
“Mom, I’m sorta glad I don’t live in England. I think I’d probably feel badly about losing the Revolutionary War. Do you think the British are embarrassed?” Will-10 He’s a very empathetic child.