Tag Archives: kids quotes

For the Love of Oscar Mayer

Posted on May 3, 2013 by

“Mom, you know how Dad is really good at cooking hot dogs?                         Well, I think he should open a restaurant and call it Dad’s House of Wieners.” I think there’s some truth to that old saying, “You are what you eat.”  Happy Friday, … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , | 4 Comments

No, I’m Not Dead

Posted on December 7, 2012 by

I’ve been a horrible blogger. It’s true. I mean well. I really do. Each day, I set out intending to hop on here and share some witty words of wisdom, but inevitably, I am sidetracked. Who would have guessed that this child … Continue reading →

Posted in comedy, crazy kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 31 Comments

Totally Craptastic!

Posted on October 12, 2012 by

“Mom, just so you know…the toilet paper in this house isn’t working. Oh, and by the way, I decided that on Crazy Mismatch Day, I’m gonna wear my underwear on the outside of my clothes.” Jay-10 Happy Friday, everyone!

Posted in crazy kid quotes, funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 24 Comments

Answer Promptly With A Smile

Posted on September 17, 2012 by

“Will, you need to call Billy. The poor kid’s called here 3 times. He needs the homework assignment for English. Ok?” “Ok.” “Here’s the phone. Now remember, you can’t continue to call people and say, ‘Hey, it’s me. Who’s this?’ It’s rude … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 19 Comments

Is Your Refrigerator Running?

Posted on September 13, 2012 by

“Will, did you take your cell phone, which is supposed to be used for emergencies only, to school and prank call your sister from the bus this morning?” “I did…we thought it would be funny!” “Who’s ‘we?’” “Everybody on the … Continue reading →

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Slightly Clueless

Posted on September 10, 2012 by

“Mom, I think it would be really hard to start-up a new country. I mean, think of how stressful it would be to come up with a national anthem. And, what about all the pressure involved in designing a new flag? I … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting, Plight | Tagged , , , , , , , | 17 Comments

I’m Seriously Serious

Posted on September 5, 2012 by

“Mom, I always put an exclamation point after my name so that people will know to take me seriously.” I think there are more than a few politicians out there that should consider this same approach.

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 17 Comments

I Heard It On The Bus: Part X

Posted on August 28, 2012 by

“Mom, did you know that the best kind of teachers are the ones that laugh at your jokes and don’t send you to the principal’s office? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.” In celebration of the start of school … Continue reading →

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What Does Your Conscience Look Like?

Posted on February 24, 2012 by

“Wow, Will! This is an interesting drawing. I’m just a little curious why your guardian angel is wearing a sombrero and smoking a cigarette?” “Oh, that guy? He’s not my guardian angel, Mom. Senor Snagle is supposed to be my … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 38 Comments

Fart on That!

Posted on February 9, 2012 by

“Mom, not that it matters, but I sorta told you Will would never read that book. I mean, c’mon, it has pictures of worms on the cover. The kid’s almost 11. The book’s completely unsophisticated.” “She’s right, Mom. No offense … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , | 54 Comments

Stop Clowning Around!

Posted on January 27, 2012 by

“Mom, you know how Jay will pretty much believe anything you tell him? Well, I’ll bet you 5 bucks and a pack of baseball cards that if I tell him it’s Clown Day at school tomorrow, I can get him to go to … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , | 36 Comments

Keep Your Pencil Out Of The Pissoir

Posted on January 25, 2012 by

“Jay, did you or did you not put your pencil in the urinal at church and then wipe it on your sister? Tell me the truth and do not lie!” “No! No way! I swear, Mom. I would never do that.” … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , | 44 Comments

Smells Like A Size 5

Posted on January 24, 2012 by

Me:  “C’mon, guys! We’ve been through this before…the next time I find a wet towel on your bed or dresser, you’re all in serious trouble. You’re going to ruin the furniture. Pick up the towels and hang them on the hooks. It’s … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , | 38 Comments

In The Eye Of The Beholder

Posted on January 4, 2012 by

“Mom, can you get me a grey sweater? Sorta like the color of your hair right before you dye it. Oh, and by the way, when you make that face, your forehead sorta reminds me of notebook paper. Thanks, mom. … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , | 52 Comments

I Want A Comfy Chair, damn it!

Posted on January 3, 2012 by

“Mom, here’s the thing I don’t understand about school…how come only the teachers get the comfy chairs? I think I would learn a lot better if I had a comfy chair, too.”    Jay-8 I think the kid’s got a point. … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , | 40 Comments

Public Restrooms…God, I hope he washed his hands!

Posted on November 1, 2011 by

“Mom, don’t worry. I never sit on a public toilet. I just take my pants off and lay them on the toilet seat. Ya know, to protect me from all the gross germs.” Jay-9 Apparently, he has decided that this … Continue reading →

Posted in comedy, Entertainment, funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Life, Parenting, sarcasm | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 36 Comments

Those Rich Dudes

Posted on June 15, 2011 by

“Mom, who made more money, the dude that invented the popsicle or the guy who invented electricity…what was his name again?” Jay-8 The dude that invented the popsicle owes his fame and fortune to the guy who discovered electricity. Without … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 26 Comments

The Samsung Lame

Posted on June 13, 2011 by

“Mom, do you have any idea how embarrassing my life is? Don’t you know that in 5th & 6th grade kids are identified by their cell phones? And I’m stuck with Daddy’s stupid old flip phone. I’ve got a Samsung Lame…that means I’m … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 32 Comments

Shocking Realization

Posted on June 7, 2011 by

“Mom, did you know that I’m actually closer to being 20 then you are? And, by a lot.”  Anna-11    What?!? How the hell did this happen? I was 20 just last week…right? This must be some sort of cruel joke. Am I being … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 28 Comments

Mom, What Do You Think Would Happen If I Accidentally On Purpose Did Something Completely Stupid? And now I’m afraid I might die!

Posted on June 6, 2011 by

“Mom, I’m just wondering about something. What do you think would happen if I accidentally ate an entire bag of Skittles before breakfast? Do you think it would help me on my math test today?” Will-10 There have been an … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 19 Comments

The Facts of Life

Posted on May 16, 2011 by

“Jay, here’s the thing about penises…sometimes they just do stuff you can’t control. Nobody knows why. It’s just the way it is.” Will-10 to Jay-8 There’s not a whole lot I can contribute to that…I think that about sums it … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 18 Comments

Manly Children

Posted on May 10, 2011 by

“But Mom…l like the dirt under my fingernails. It makes me look more manly.” Jay-8 The Top Ten Ways For A Kid To Look More Manly 1. dirty fingernails 2. messy hair…the current look for the under 12 crowd 3. yellow, unbrushed … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

Stealing Bases

Posted on May 7, 2011 by

“Jay, stealing bases is like going pee…once you commit to going you can’t stop.” Will-10 to Jay-8

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

Simon Cowell

Posted on May 5, 2011 by

“Mom, if Simon Cowell is so rich then why does he always wear the same shirt?” Anna-11

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My Mother’s Twin

Posted on May 5, 2011 by

“Mom, did you know that you have the exact same hair as Steven Tyler? You could almost be twins.” Anna-11 …except for the fact that I’m not a 63-year-old, uber-famous, male, recovered drug-addict, rocker. Putting all that aside, there is … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

A Comfy Chair

Posted on May 4, 2011 by

“Mom, this is the part I don’t understand about school…how come only the teachers get the comfy chairs? I think I would learn a lot better if I had a comfy chair too.”  Jay-8 I think the kid’s got a … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Driving Blind

Posted on May 3, 2011 by

“Mom, how do blind people drive?” Jay-8 Hmm…I never thought about this. I imagine this could potentially be an enormous problem. Picture the scene…you and your significant other are driving down the highway enjoying the scenery when you notice a … Continue reading →

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Playing Hookey

Posted on May 2, 2011 by

“Mom, if I got a concussion would I have to go to school?” Jay-8 This is what I thought… “WTF?!?” But this is what I said… “Jay, why would you ask me that question?” This was his response… “No reason, … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

The Listener

Posted on May 1, 2011 by

“Mom, I’ve decided I’m gonna change my ways. Instead of making you ask me 10 or 11 times to do something, I’m only gonna make you ask me 2 or 3 times. Would that make you so happy?” Jay-8 Sometimes you’ve … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The Sandwich

Posted on April 29, 2011 by

“Mom, can you make me a sandwich? I want ham, but not ham and cheese…I hate cheese. Use that kinda ham that’s pink and thin, but doesn’t have that hard stuff on it…I hate that kind. Use that bread that’s not … Continue reading →

Posted in comedy, Entertainment, Humor, kids, Life, Parenting, sarcasm | Tagged , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

The Royals

Posted on April 29, 2011 by

“Mom, do you think the British shave their armpits?” Anna-11 So here’s Kate Middleton, looking magnificent in her wedding gown. She’s the absolute picture of class and grace…stunning. And, my 11-year-old daughter somehow overlooks all of this and wonders if she shaved … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

A Bag of Balls

Posted on April 28, 2011 by

“Mom, what’s a ball sack?” Jay-8 I was unprepared for this question so I settled for the following… “Well honey, that would be a bag filled with some balls, of course. Now take this blue freeze pop and go play outside.”  

Posted in Humor, Parenting, kids, funny kid quotes | Tagged , , , , , , | 8 Comments

The Philosopher

Posted on April 28, 2011 by

“Mom, I’ve got a question. What if I was sitting all by myself in my room but everybody else in the whole world was in Africa and they all screamed at the same time, would I hear them?” Jay-8 Alright, … Continue reading →

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Eddie Haskell

Posted on April 27, 2011 by

“Hey Will, go inside and tell Mom she’s beautiful and see if you can get us a couple more freeze pops. Try to get me a blue one this time.” Jay-8 to Will-10 It looks like a modern day version … Continue reading →

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The Wise Sister

Posted on April 26, 2011 by

“Jay, the fact that you feel the need to constantly draw on yourself with magic marker indicates to me that it’s likely you’ll be covered in tattoos and piercings by the time your 21.” Anna-11 to Jay-8 Maybe she has … Continue reading →

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Bunny Tales

Posted on April 22, 2011 by

“Seriously Mom, a bunny? You expect me to believe a cute, fuzzy, little bunny is going to hop all around the world dragging along baskets filled with candy and trinkets to millions of kids? I mean, c’mon Mom…it’s physically impossible! … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

Public Restrooms…God, I hope he washed his hands!

Posted on April 21, 2011 by

“Mom, don’t worry. I never sit on a public toilet. I just take my pants off and lay them on the toilet seat. Ya know, to protect me from all the gross germs.” Jay-9 Apparently, he has decided that this … Continue reading →

Posted in comedy, Entertainment, Humor, kids, Life, Parenting, sarcasm | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Armpit Etiquette

Posted on April 20, 2011 by

“Will, you should never ask someone to see their armpit hair…it’s impolite.”  Jay-8 “I know that Jay, but some people should think about cutting their armpit hair. That’s what I’m gonna do if mine ever gets too long.”   Will-10  I think Emily … Continue reading →

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The Instigator

Posted on April 19, 2011 by

“But Mom, I promised I wouldn’t start trouble. I never said anything about listening.” Jay-8

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