Follow a mother's plight to find the funny in the frustrating and save her sanity. She will use this as blackmail, you can use it for birth control.
Young American Wisdom in 140 characters or less…
- My metabolism has betrayed me. I hate the bastard. #GiveMeBackMyOldAss 3 days ago
- My life is a continuous round trip to the grocery store where my list gets lost in produce & I end up pushing the cart with the bum wheel. 5 days ago
- @becomingcliche Lovely! Make that 2 more accounts I need to stalk. Thanks so much & have a great Mother's Day! 1 week ago
Don’t Steal My Stuff…my kids will cry!© Young American Wisdom 2011
Young American Wisdom by www.youngamericanwisdom.com is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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Tag Archives: life
Will: Can someone pass the ketchup, please? Me: You know what, Will? I think you have that Sex-Ed talk coming up in school soon. Dad and I want to have a little chat with you before it starts, just in case … Continue reading
I’ve been a horrible blogger. It’s true. I mean well. I really do. Each day, I set out intending to hop on here and share some witty words of wisdom, but inevitably, I am sidetracked. Who would have guessed that this child … Continue reading
“Mom, did you know that you’ll have less stress in your life if you grow-up to be a professional poker player instead of the President of the United States? Plus, you’ll make more money and get to wear really cool sunglasses. … Continue reading
“Oh, man, Mom! You’re not making me bring that thermos to school, are you?” “Of course I am? What’s wrong with it?” “Look at it! It’s a crayon. You might as well send me to school in a diaper. I … Continue reading
“Mom, just so you know…the toilet paper in this house isn’t working. Oh, and by the way, I decided that on Crazy Mismatch Day, I’m gonna wear my underwear on the outside of my clothes.” Jay-10 Happy Friday, everyone!
I find writing to be a lot like drinking. After a cocktail or two, I feel like the most fascinating person in the world. Sorta like the Dos Equis guy, only less mannish and minus the accent. It’s not until the next morning, when I’m left with a … Continue reading
RING, RING… “Hello?” “Nancy, it’s your 78-year-old mother-in-law. Listen, I need you to tell me where I can buy a Playboy magazine.” “Excuse me? Did you just ask me where to buy pornography?” “Yes, dear. I haven’t a clue where … Continue reading
“Jay, what’s this?” “Oh, that? It’s just a little something I’ve been working on. Hey, but don’t worry…it’s not about you. I swear!” Should I be concerned?
“Mom, are you pregnant? I’ve noticed how much you’ve been eating lately.” This is what I said… “No…I am not, young lady! And listen to me, it’s never polite to ask someone if they’re pregnant…even your own mother!” But this … Continue reading
“Will, you need to call Billy. The poor kid’s called here 3 times. He needs the homework assignment for English. Ok?” “Ok.” “Here’s the phone. Now remember, you can’t continue to call people and say, ‘Hey, it’s me. Who’s this?’ It’s rude … Continue reading
“Dad, does is totally suck to have to go to work everyday?” “No, I wouldn’t say that, but I’d much rather hang out with you guys all day. And, by the way, watch your mouth, mister.” “So, they don’t give … Continue reading
“Mom, if you make me sign-up for Ballroom dancing at school, I’ll be forced to run away, probably to Mexico and then you’ll be down to just 2 kids. I thought you should know.” Will-11 As tempting as this may … Continue reading
“Mom, I think it would be really hard to start-up a new country. I mean, think of how stressful it would be to come up with a national anthem. And, what about all the pressure involved in designing a new flag? I … Continue reading
“Mom, I always put an exclamation point after my name so that people will know to take me seriously.” I think there are more than a few politicians out there that should consider this same approach.
“Mom, did you know that the best kind of teachers are the ones that laugh at your jokes and don’t send you to the principal’s office? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.” In celebration of the start of school … Continue reading
“Mom, I’m thinking about starting my own blog. I’ve got a lot of important stuff to say.” “Oh, really?” “Yeah, but I’m having a hard time picking a title. If you let me, this is what I’m thinking… 1. My Stupid Sister … Continue reading
“Mom, today was the best day of my life. Three great things happened at school today. First, I found a bunch of money randomly laying on the ground, so I picked it up and spent it at the school store. Second, I’ve … Continue reading
“Mom, when I grow up, I’m gonna have a pool and to make it really fun, I’ll put a diving board on my roof. I’m also gonna have a butler who plays video games with me and packs me lobster for lunch … Continue reading
“Mom, when I grow up I might wanna be a brain surgeon. I hear that’s a pretty good job. But here’s the thing, I’ll have to find some other guy to do the surgery because that would just be gross.” Jay-9 … Continue reading
I’ve just returned home from a fantastic week in Northern Italy, kid free, thanks to the help of my parents. Did I mention they are no longer speaking to me? Anyway, I wanted to share a bit about my trip … Continue reading
“Mom, they say it’s the world’s hardest thing to win and you’ve gotta do lots of good stuff, but when I grow up, I might wanna try to win the Nobel Pizza Prize.” Jay-9 I wonder if that’s pick-up or … Continue reading
“Ok. Now pay attention, Jay. My people are set up over here and your people are set up over there. If your people break the rules then my people can sue your people.” “Wait a second, Anna. I have no idea … Continue reading
Prepare yourself, we are about to get deep… “Mom, I’ve got a question. What if I was sitting all by myself in my room, but everybody else in the whole world happened to be hanging out in Africa, I mean … Continue reading
“Mom, you know that picture in the upstairs hallway? Well, it’s gotta go! That girl has been freaking me out for years. She’s the reason I can’t sleep at night. Weird things have been happening around here and I’m pretty sure … Continue reading
“Mom, Will grabbed my hand and made me punch myself in the face 3 times for absolutely no reason. Should I go tell him he’s in big trouble?” “What the fudge, Jay! That’s a bunch of crap! I was doing a … Continue reading
“Mom, I think we should get a maid. One that comes here every day. I think it would be a lot more relaxing around here if nobody ever had any chores to do.” “That sounds great, Jay, but you might have … Continue reading
“Will, you are so freakishly disgusting. You chew like a sick cow.” “What the heck, Anna! I can’t help it. It’s just the way I chew.” “No, it’s not. I know you’re doing it on purpose just to make me … Continue reading
“Mom, Anna purposely tried to kill me!” “No, I didn’t! Jay’s lying. I just tried to scare him, not kill him.” “Yes, she did! Don’t believe her. She ripped the skateboard out of my hands and chucked it at my … Continue reading
I’m a daydreamer by trade, but sadly, I don’t get paid. However, if I ever find a sucker willing to pay me boatloads of cash for my nonsense, I plan on spending it wisely. I won’t squander it on jewels, … Continue reading
“Mom, you’ve been doing way too much yelling, especially about stupid stuff like drinking our milk and tying our shoes.” Will-10 It’s true. This has been a common theme in my house lately… “Mom, why are you yelling at me?” Because … Continue reading
“Mom, how do blind people drive?” Jay-8 Hmm…I never thought about this. I imagine this could potentially be an enormous problem. Picture the scene…you and your significant other are driving down the highway enjoying the scenery when you notice a … Continue reading
“Will, going forward, you are absolutely NOT allowed to do your brother’s homework…even if he begs you and promises to give you all of his money. Do you understand me?” Me to Will-10 The handwriting was my first tip-off, the guilty … Continue reading
“But Mom, I don’t care about looking good. I’m gonna save that for when I grow-up and don’t have any fun stuff left to do.” Jay-8 Hmmm…an interesting perspective.
“Mom, come here and smell me. I took a 15 second shower and I swear I got everything…even the stinkiest parts. It might just be a world record. C’mon, come closer and take a real good smell. Smell me like you’ve never smelled me … Continue reading
“Mom, I realized something was up with the whole Tooth Fairy story when I found out kids at school were getting $10 bucks a tooth and all I got was a stinking buck…and mine didn’t even have cavities!” Anna-10 I … Continue reading
“Mom, are you positively positive there aren’t any security cameras in public bathrooms? Because if there are…I might ask you to put me back in diapers.” Jay-8
“Mom, no offense or anything, but I can’t hold your hand anymore. I mean, I still sorta wanna and I still really like you a whole bunch, but if anyone saw me holding your hand it would ruin my life. … Continue reading
“Mom, when you were a kid, did you ever ask to go to the bathroom at school just to get out of class because you were bored?” Will-10 …and then lock all the stall doors and sneak underneath? So tell … Continue reading