Tag Archives: Sarcasm

Where’d This Come From?

Posted on March 19, 2012 by

“Mom, for breakfast can you pour me a bowl of the Cocoa Puffs I snuck into the cart yesterday and you still don’t know we own? They’re hiding behind the Cheerios in the back of the pantry. Thanks, Mom. You’re … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , | 32 Comments

The Dreaded School Project

Posted on March 12, 2012 by

Other than a letter from the school nurse notifying you of a lice infestation in your child’s classroom, nothing rattles parents quite like the dreaded school project assignment. “Guess what, Mom? We’re doing a super fun project in school. It’s gonna be great! … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , | 33 Comments

Keep Your Pencil Out Of The Pissoir

Posted on January 25, 2012 by

“Jay, did you or did you not put your pencil in the urinal at church and then wipe it on your sister? Tell me the truth and do not lie!” “No! No way! I swear, Mom. I would never do that.” … Continue reading →

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Smells Like A Size 5

Posted on January 24, 2012 by

Me:  “C’mon, guys! We’ve been through this before…the next time I find a wet towel on your bed or dresser, you’re all in serious trouble. You’re going to ruin the furniture. Pick up the towels and hang them on the hooks. It’s … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , | 38 Comments

Guess What’s In The Chandelier?

Posted on January 23, 2012 by

“C’mon, Mom! Please stop crying. You’ve gotta admit…it’s sorta funny that the chandelier is now filled with pee.”  Anna-12 There’s nothing quite like returning home and discovering a waterfall in your dining room. One of my beautiful, smart children, who will … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , | 42 Comments

I Heard It On The Bus: Part VIII

Posted on January 13, 2012 by

“Mom, did you know that the first piece of cheese was discovered in 1896 by a farmer in West Virginia? That guy had some sorta special cheese making cow that he sold to the government for a million bucks. That’s why we have … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , | 59 Comments

Playing Hookey

Posted on January 11, 2012 by

“Mom, if I got a concussion would I have to go to school?” Jay-8 This is what I thought… “WTF?!?” But this is what I said… “Jay, why would you ask me that question?” This was his response… “No reason, … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , | 47 Comments

My Child’s Gifted…eat your heart out!

Posted on January 9, 2012 by

“Mom, did you know there’s a kid on the bus who can fart his ABC’s? I think he might just be the luckiest kid in the whole world.”  Will-10 I, for one, would be thrilled as a parent to have this … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , | 33 Comments

In The Eye Of The Beholder

Posted on January 4, 2012 by

“Mom, can you get me a grey sweater? Sorta like the color of your hair right before you dye it. Oh, and by the way, when you make that face, your forehead sorta reminds me of notebook paper. Thanks, mom. … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , | 52 Comments

We Got The Evil Elf!

Posted on December 16, 2011 by

“Hey, look! I found the Elf!” “I found him first, Jay.” “No, you didn’t, Will. I did!” “Jay, you’re lying!” “No, I’m not. You’re the liar!” “Yes, you are, Jay. You’re the world’s worst liar ever!” “Well, you’re the worst … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , | 34 Comments

Brush Your Teeth, Brush Your Teeth, Brush Your Teeth

Posted on December 13, 2011 by

“Jay, did you remember to brush your teeth?” “Yup.” “Is that true?” “Nope.” “Please go brush your teeth. You’re going to miss the bus.” “Got it, Mom! But, don’t you just hate it when you’re in such a rush that you forget to brush … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , | 42 Comments

The Sandwich and The Boy

Posted on December 9, 2011 by

“Mom, can you make me a sandwich? I want ham, but not ham and cheese…I hate cheese. Use that kinda ham that’s pink and thin, but doesn’t have that hard stuff on it…I hate that kind. Use that bread that’s not … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 46 Comments

Betsy Bags The Big Man On Campus

Posted on December 8, 2011 by

“Mom, I bet you don’t know who Betsy Ross’s best friend was?” “You’re right, Jay. I’m clueless. Was it Martha Washington?” “Nope. Guess again.” “How about Abigail Adams?” “No way. Not even close.” “Alright. I give up!” “A lot of people … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 34 Comments

James Who?

Posted on December 7, 2011 by

“Mom, did you know that there was some guy named James Buchanan that was President a long time ago? If you don’t know a lot about him, it’s ok. He wasn’t that good anyway.”  Jay-9 I found this on Wikipedia James … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 25 Comments

The Tale of the Purple Nurple and the Pink Tutu

Posted on December 5, 2011 by

“Mom, where are the band aids? Jay just gave me the worst nipple twister of my life. I’m pretty sure my nipple’s gone.” “Oh c’mon, Will! I hardly twisted. Plus, you sorta deserve a purple nurple for saying  you’re getting me a … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 32 Comments

I Heard It On The Bus: Part VII

Posted on December 2, 2011 by

“Mom, did you know that on every bus there’s a book hidden beneath the seat in the 10th row, on the left-hand side? It’s a secret book filled with all the world’s bad words. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”  Will-10 I knew … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 42 Comments

Another Bag of Money

Posted on December 1, 2011 by

“Mom, I need you to do me a favor today. I need you to take this bag of money to the bank. See if the people at the bank can turn these coins into cash. It will be easier for … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , | 41 Comments

She’s A Very Freaky Girl…she’s a super freak!

Posted on November 29, 2011 by

“Mom, you know that picture in the upstairs hallway? Well, it’s gotta go! That girl has been freaking me out for years. She’s the reason I can’t sleep at night. Weird things have been happening around here and I’m pretty sure … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 54 Comments

A Thanksgiving Trinity…William Penn, The Great Depression & Pumpkin Pie

Posted on November 23, 2011 by

“Mom, did you know that a guy named William Penn discovered Philadelphia during the Great Depression? He’s the guy that celebrated the first Thanksgiving by inviting over a bunch of indians and together they baked the first pumpkin pie.” Jay-9 God, … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 28 Comments

Actions Speak Louder Than Words…but hurt!

Posted on November 21, 2011 by

“Mom, Will grabbed my hand and made me punch myself in the face 3 times for absolutely no reason. Should I go tell him he’s in big trouble?” “What the fudge, Jay! That’s a bunch of crap! I was doing a … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 32 Comments

I Heard It On The Bus: Part VI

Posted on November 11, 2011 by

“Mom, did you know that the best way to avoid having the principal sit with you on the bus is to NOT throw paper airplanes at the back of the bus driver’s head? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.” … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Life, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 53 Comments

The Mad Cow Dines With The Devil

Posted on November 10, 2011 by

“Will, you are so freakishly disgusting. You chew like a sick cow.” “What the heck, Anna! I can’t help it. It’s just the way I chew.” “No, it’s not. I know you’re doing it on purpose just to make me … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 33 Comments

This Is Your Face…and I hate it!

Posted on November 9, 2011 by

“Mom, Anna purposely tried to kill me!” “No, I didn’t! Jay’s lying. I just tried to scare him, not kill him.” “Yes, she did! Don’t believe her. She ripped the skateboard out of my hands and chucked it at my … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 38 Comments

The Pay Off

Posted on November 7, 2011 by

“Will, I’m sorry for hitting you with my cast. I feel really bad. Here, take this money.” “What the crap, Jay! You can’t go around cracking people with your cast when you don’t get your way. Look at my face! My lip’s … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 30 Comments

If I Were Independently Wealthy

Posted on November 4, 2011 by

I’m a daydreamer by trade, but sadly, I don’t get paid. However, if I ever find a sucker willing to pay me boatloads of cash for my nonsense, I plan on spending it wisely. I won’t squander it on jewels, … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 64 Comments

Sometimes They Make Me Crazy

Posted on November 2, 2011 by

“Mom, you’ve been doing way too much yelling, especially about stupid stuff like drinking our milk and tying our shoes.”  Will-10 It’s true. This has been a common theme in my house lately… “Mom, why are you yelling at me?” Because … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 47 Comments

Public Restrooms…God, I hope he washed his hands!

Posted on November 1, 2011 by

“Mom, don’t worry. I never sit on a public toilet. I just take my pants off and lay them on the toilet seat. Ya know, to protect me from all the gross germs.” Jay-9 Apparently, he has decided that this … Continue reading →

Posted in comedy, Entertainment, funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Life, Parenting, sarcasm | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 36 Comments

Family Game Night

Posted on October 28, 2011 by

Ok, so it’s a bit of an exaggeration, but it’s my interpretation of family game night. It starts out innocently enough. Everyone is gathered around the coffee table, happily chatting about the expected fun. We review the rules of the game. … Continue reading →

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Armpit Etiquette

Posted on October 27, 2011 by

“Will, you should never ask someone to see their armpit hair. It’s impolite.”  Jay-9 “I know that, Jay. But some people should think about cutting their armpit hair. That’s what I’m gonna do if mine ever gets too long.”   Will-10  I think … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 37 Comments

They Heard About It On The Bus

Posted on October 26, 2011 by

Today, I’d like to give a special shout-out to all the fab middle schoolers who are rumored to be reading this blog…You Guys Rock! Thanks for reading and laughing along with the rest of us. Please keep telling your outrageous … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , | 14 Comments

Ninja Dreams

Posted on October 25, 2011 by

“Mom, would you be so happy if I grew-up and got a job as a ninja in China? I think you can get that as a real job and make like a million bucks busting up bad guys.” Jay-8 I … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 49 Comments

I Heard It On The Bus: Part V

Posted on October 21, 2011 by

“Mom, guess what? I don’t have any homework because I did it on the bus. Did you know that it’s a well-known fact that kids who do their homework on the bus get better grades and have more time to play? … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 43 Comments

We’re Having An Intervention. Will You Come?

Posted on October 17, 2011 by

“Mom, you should probably have a talk with Will. He’s got a big problem…he’s obsessed with brushing his teeth. It’s true! Ever since he got his braces off, he thinks he’s got the world’s most special teeth. You should see … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 31 Comments

Driving Blind

Posted on October 13, 2011 by

“Mom, how do blind people drive?” Jay-8 Hmm…I never thought about this. I imagine this could potentially be an enormous problem. Picture the scene…you and your significant other are driving down the highway enjoying the scenery when you notice a … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , | 46 Comments

You Can Have Your Cake And Eat It Too

Posted on October 11, 2011 by

“Mom, I think it really stinks that kids are forced to go to school on their birthdays.”  Jay-9 “Jay, your birthday was on Saturday. Today is Tuesday.” “Yeah, I know, but I’m still sorta celebrating and going to school ruins … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 44 Comments

I Heard It On The Bus: Part IV

Posted on October 6, 2011 by

“Mom, did you know that the best way to get an A on a math test is to sleep with the book under your pillow? The information seeps into your brain overnight. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.” Will-10 … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 46 Comments

You Smelt It, You Dealt It!

Posted on October 4, 2011 by

“Jay, I think I’m pretty lucky that I never have to fart at school.” Will-10 “Not me, man…when I accidentally fart in school, I just make a surprised face and look at the kid next to me.” Jay-8 You’ve got … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 46 Comments

Indoor Plumbing Is Overrated

Posted on September 30, 2011 by

“Mom, I need you! Jay just ripped open the bathroom door and chucked a teddy bear at my head. He screwed up my aim and now there’s a huge mess in there…it’s not my fault.”  Will-10 It’s all fun and … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 40 Comments

Mmmm…You Smell Just Like Aisle 5

Posted on September 28, 2011 by

“Mom, did you know that the best smell in the whole world is the smell of Toys “R” Us? I love it! If I ever grow-up and get a wife, I want her to smell just like Toys “R” Us. I … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 43 Comments

This American’s Got Talent

Posted on September 26, 2011 by

“Mom, you’ve gotta see this. Jay is drinking chocolate milk out of his belly button…with a straw!”  Will-10 about Jay-8 I’m so proud. I think this is worthy of mention in this year’s Christmas card. Dear Friends and Family, Season’s … Continue reading →

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 44 Comments