Monthly Archives: April 2011

The Sandwich

“Mom, can you make me a sandwich? I want ham, but not ham and cheese…I hate cheese. Use that kinda ham that’s pink and thin, but doesn’t have that hard stuff on it…I hate that kind. Use that bread that’s not … Continue reading

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The Royals

“Mom, do you think the British shave their armpits?” Anna-11 So here’s Kate Middleton, looking magnificent in her wedding gown. She’s the absolute picture of class and grace…stunning. And, my 11-year-old daughter somehow overlooks all of this and wonders if she shaved … Continue reading

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A Bag of Balls

“Mom, what’s a ball sack?” Jay-8 I was unprepared for this question so I settled for the following… “Well honey, that would be a bag filled with some balls, of course. Now take this blue freeze pop and go play outside.”  

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The Philosopher

“Mom, I’ve got a question. What if I was sitting all by myself in my room but everybody else in the whole world was in Africa and they all screamed at the same time, would I hear them?” Jay-8 Alright, … Continue reading

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Eddie Haskell

“Hey Will, go inside and tell Mom she’s beautiful and see if you can get us a couple more freeze pops. Try to get me a blue one this time.” Jay-8 to Will-10 It looks like a modern day version … Continue reading

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The Wise Sister

“Jay, the fact that you feel the need to constantly draw on yourself with magic marker indicates to me that it’s likely you’ll be covered in tattoos and piercings by the time your 21.” Anna-11 to Jay-8 Maybe she has … Continue reading

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Bunny Tales

“Seriously Mom, a bunny? You expect me to believe a cute, fuzzy, little bunny is going to hop all around the world dragging along baskets filled with candy and trinkets to millions of kids? I mean, c’mon Mom…it’s physically impossible! … Continue reading

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Public Restrooms…God, I hope he washed his hands!

“Mom, don’t worry. I never sit on a public toilet. I just take my pants off and lay them on the toilet seat. Ya know, to protect me from all the gross germs.” Jay-9 Apparently, he has decided that this … Continue reading

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Armpit Etiquette

“Will, you should never ask someone to see their armpit hair…it’s impolite.”  Jay-8 “I know that Jay, but some people should think about cutting their armpit hair. That’s what I’m gonna do if mine ever gets too long.”   Will-10  I think Emily … Continue reading

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Sharing Cooties

“Mom, I couldn’t find my toothbrush so I just used Will’s. Do me a favor and don’t tell him…cause I’ll probably use it again later and if he knows it he’ll hide it somewhere good.” Jay-8

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The Instigator

“But Mom, I promised I wouldn’t start trouble. I never said anything about listening.” Jay-8

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The Elderly

“Mom, I like old people. They’re always friendly and polite…they don’t make you feel bad about saying stupid stuff.” Will-9

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Ah, Insecurity!

“Mom, I totally get that I don’t have to be like everyone else…but what if I feel like I should be?” Anna-11 Now this, my dear daughter, your mother totally gets. I hate insecurity. I especially hate how it sneaks … Continue reading

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The Spray Tan

“Oh my god Mom! What the heck happened to your face…you look like a Oompa Loompa! Why would you do that? Anna – 11 Personally, I think I look pretty damn good. She’s just 11…what does she know anyway. I mean, it’s suppose … Continue reading

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Talent

“Will, you gotta see this…if I really concentrate I can use my big toe to change the TV channel.” Jay-8

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Family Game Night

Ok, so it’s a bit of an exaggeration, but it’s my interpretation of family game night. It starts out innocently enough. Everyone is gathered around the coffee table, happily chatting about the expected fun. We review the rules of the … Continue reading

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Ninja Dreams

“Mom, would you be so happy if I grew-up and got a job as a ninja in China? I think you can get that as a real job and make like a million bucks busting up bad guys.” Jay-8 I … Continue reading

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My Plight To Find The Funny In The Frustrating And Save My Sanity

It all started as a joke on facebook. Quite honestly, as a way to poke fun at my friends who were “psyched to have the laundry folded” or “feeling fab after running 25 miles without breaking a sweat”. I couldn’t … Continue reading

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