Monthly Archives: May 2011

You Gerk!

“Mom, you need to yell at Will. He’s acting like a total jerk…a jerk with a capital “G”! Jay-8 He said it with such conviction that I didn’t have the heart to correct him. In fact, it’s certainly possible that he might … Continue reading

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

H-E-Double Hockey Sticks

“Jay, you should never say the ‘H-Word’ unless you use it to talk about that bad place down there.  It’s ok to say, ‘I hope I never go to Hell.’  That would be fine.  But, you should never say to someone, … Continue reading

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 16 Comments

Dumb and Dumber

“Hey Jay, do you think it would hurt if I pegged you in the eye with this tennis ball going 67 mph?” Will-10 “Well Will, it might hurt a little, but I’ll let you try it if I can wear some … Continue reading

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 16 Comments

I Heard It On The Bus

“Mom, did you know that the human body is capable of living 225 years? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.” Will-10 Now, before you get too excited about this new revelation, let me tell you that information learned on a … Continue reading

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 49 Comments

The Hot Dog

“Mom, is this hot dog made out of dead dogs?” Jay-8 This is what I said… “Of course not sweetie. Now eat-up.” But this is what I thought… “Of course not sweetie. They’re made out of pig snouts and entrails that … Continue reading

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting, Plight | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

The Snarky Older Sister

“Will, you are so freakishly disgusting. I hate the way you chew…you sound like a sick cow.” Anna-11 to Will-10 I love the snarky older sister. She’s fabulous. Sadly, we don’t get to hear from her often enough because either: … Continue reading

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 30 Comments

This Blogging Thing

I don’t have a clever kid quote today. It’s pretty hard to top yesterday’s and I’m not sure I want to. I’ve been at this blogging thing for a month now and I’m really having a fantastic time. I’m feeling … Continue reading

Posted in Blogging, Humor, Life | Tagged , , , , | 29 Comments

The Facts of Life

“Jay, here’s the thing about penises…sometimes they just do stuff you can’t control. Nobody knows why. It’s just the way it is.” Will-10 to Jay-8 There’s not a whole lot I can contribute to that…I think that about sums it … Continue reading

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 18 Comments

College Life

“Mom, you know how when you go to college you usually live there? Well, do you have to keep your shoes on the whole time?” Jay-8 I love these off-the-wall questions. I can only begin to imagine the scenario he has … Continue reading

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 17 Comments

Puppy Love

“Mom, there’s a boy at school that I think might like me. When he’s not trying to trip me, he talks to me about sports I know nothing about and tells me jokes that aren’t really funny. I just laugh … Continue reading

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

He Doesn’t Bite…all the time

“Mom, Jay just bit me!” Will-10 “Seriously Mom, it was an accident…I swear! I tripped and my tooth accidentally fell into him.” Jay-8  I’m considering installing a Nanny Cam. There are way too many “accidents” going on in this house. … Continue reading

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

The Trash Can

This is an old quote. It took place about a year ago. It’s the quote that made me realize I had become a grumpy mother who spent too much time being frustrated by childhood shenanigans and not enough time laughing … Continue reading

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 19 Comments

Manly Children

“But Mom…l like the dirt under my fingernails. It makes me look more manly.” Jay-8 The Top Ten Ways For A Kid To Look More Manly 1. dirty fingernails 2. messy hair…the current look for the under 12 crowd 3. yellow, unbrushed … Continue reading

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

Another Day. Another Bad Idea.

Another day. Another bad idea. Here it is… Thinking it’s a good idea to indulge in the forgotten packs of Fun Dip at the bottom of the snack drawer while your parents peacefully sleep in on Mother’s Day morning. Then force … Continue reading

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting, sarcasm | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 16 Comments

Mother’s Day Bliss

“Mom, Mom, Mom…I need help! Jay just clocked me and my mouth is gushing blood.” Will-10 “But Mom, it was an accident.” Jay-8 “Don’t believe him Mom…he did it on purpose.” Will-10 “Well, I tackled him on purpose but I clocked … Continue reading

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Stealing Bases

“Jay, stealing bases is like going pee…once you commit to going you can’t stop.” Will-10 to Jay-8

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

The Self-Portrait…with some random dead guy

“Hey Will, come check out my self-portrait. I’m hoping it makes history. What do you think?” Jay-8           “Well Jay, it’s pretty good for a kid your age. But what’s up with the dead guy on the windowsill?” Will-10 It is a … Continue reading

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

Simon Cowell

“Mom, if Simon Cowell is so rich then why does he always wear the same shirt?” Anna-11

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

My Mother’s Twin

“Mom, did you know that you have the exact same hair as Steven Tyler? You could almost be twins.” Anna-11 …except for the fact that I’m not a 63-year-old, uber-famous, male, recovered drug-addict, rocker. Putting all that aside, there is … Continue reading

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

A Comfy Chair

“Mom, this is the part I don’t understand about school…how come only the teachers get the comfy chairs? I think I would learn a lot better if I had a comfy chair too.”  Jay-8 I think the kid’s got a … Continue reading

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Driving Blind

“Mom, how do blind people drive?” Jay-8 Hmm…I never thought about this. I imagine this could potentially be an enormous problem. Picture the scene…you and your significant other are driving down the highway enjoying the scenery when you notice a … Continue reading

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Playing Hookey

“Mom, if I got a concussion would I have to go to school?” Jay-8 This is what I thought… “WTF?!?” But this is what I said… “Jay, why would you ask me that question?” This was his response… “No reason, … Continue reading

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

The Listener

“Mom, I’ve decided I’m gonna change my ways. Instead of making you ask me 10 or 11 times to do something, I’m only gonna make you ask me 2 or 3 times. Would that make you so happy?” Jay-8 Sometimes you’ve … Continue reading

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments