The Snarky Older Sister

“Will, you are so freakishly disgusting. I hate the way you chew…you sound like a sick cow.” Anna-11 to Will-10

I love the snarky older sister. She’s fabulous. Sadly, we don’t get to hear from her often enough because either: (a) she has denied me permission to post her quotes for fear it will damage her reputation, or (b) she is often confined to her room because of her snarky mouth…”Mom, I don’t get why they call it ‘grounded.’ It should be called ‘roomed’ because that’s where I’m stuck.”

So today, when she gave me the green light to “post away,” I jumped at the chance, hoping to shed some light on the snarky older sister and how she does not get the attention she deserves…just ask her, she’ll tell you, “Seriously Mom, I’m just like Cinderella and the boys are my evil step-sisters.”

The snarky older sister is wiser, smarter, stronger, faster and more talented than everyone else in the entire family…again, just ask her, and she’ll tell you, “I’m not trying to be mean or boastful. I’m just pointing out the facts.” And, with that said, she’ll roll her eyes and dramatically flip her hair.  Unfortunately, her two younger brothers do not feel the same way. “Anna, the reason you’re so mean to us is because you feel badly about being such a fat-face.” And with that said, they run like hell for fear of what she’ll do once she catches them. Incidentally, they should run like hell because the snarky older sister has hit her growth spurt and the two younger brothers have not. “No boys. It’s more like your scrawny little selves are just jealous of my 11-year-old awesomeness.” And with that, she gives them both a small shove sending them flying like a couple of rag dolls.

Frustrated by the snarky older sister, the younger brothers are forced to express their anger through art therapy.

The younger brothers hold out hope that one day, they too, will hit their growth spurts. They dream of the day that they will no longer have to run like hell from their snarky older sister. They plot and plan to use their own height and girth to pay her back for years of snarky abuse. But wisely, I know, that by the time the two younger brothers hit their growth spurts, they will no longer be interested in getting even with their snarky older sister…they’ll be more interested in the snarky older sister’s snarky friends.

So today, I celebrate the snarky older sister, without one, our home would be incomplete. I send out a toast to snarky older sisters everywhere. Perhaps, you have a snarky older sister or maybe, you are one…just like me.

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A mother's plight to find the funny in the frustrating and save her sanity.
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30 Responses to The Snarky Older Sister

  1. John Erickson says:

    Wow, this is a bad day for me. First I have to dis Oprah, now I have to swing over behind the boys. Sorry, but I was 4 years the junior of a snarky sister. I will admit that I did encourage SOME of the problems, but she also delighted in taking her frustrations out on me. But she did eventually grow out of it, when guys drew her attention more than her pain-in-the-butt younger brother. And she was in such a hurry to get out of the house, she left in my sophomore year of high school, leaving me the run of the house, and thus the sole beneficiary of my mother’s attentions. 🙂
    Besides, maybe you can use her as the common threat to get the boys to behave with each other? (Assuming that’s a problem.) Or as blackmail? (Help you with the laundry or you’ll tell Sis about whatever.) 😉

    Like

  2. Lenore Diane says:

    “…they’ll be more interested in the snarky older sister’s snarky friends.” You are absolutely right about that fact. I hope you’ll write about it, too. It should make for some good posts.

    I love “Fat-face” by the way. Made me laugh out loud, especially when I visualized the boys running for their life. Too funny!

    Like

  3. My daughter was the snarky older sister to my son, and she is younger than him. So, how does that happen?

    Like

  4. Dad says:

    Oh what their Uncle B would have to say about his “snarky” older sister. There is a good chance that there will be a lot of people working for this “snarky” sister someday.

    Like

  5. mema says:

    In defense of Anna, I must point out that older brothers are equally mean and snarky. As the youngest of 6, with the 3 oldest to me being boys, I still carry the scars. How would you like to be dubbed “Crisco”? Translation: Fat in the can!

    Like

  6. Megan Bieber says:

    Preach it girl- this is the best post you’ve had yet. Sometimes, I feel so close to her.

    PS- Kyle still chews like a cow. Last night we got in a fight over who was more obnoxious me if I burp, or him when he sneezes. Trust me, it doesn’t go away.

    Like

  7. As both the mother of a snarky older sister, and a snarky older sister, myself, I salute you, Anna. Don’t get me wrong… I’m sure you torture your brothers mercilessly, but how else will they know how to tiptoe around their wives and to handle their own, snarky daughter, someday.
    Just think of it, that way… You’re basically doing them a favor. 😉

    Like

  8. Lisa Wields Words says:

    I personally hope that you are allowed to pass on more of Snarky Older Sister’s, snarky gems because I truly enjoyed this. I’m not sure if my sister was ever totally snarky to me, she was too old and I just didn’t come into her radar.

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  9. daeja's view says:

    I was a snarky older sister – and sometimes I still am. You can never be too old for snarkism… (is that a new word?)
    I will say though, the younger siblings do eventually catch up, and in my case did not forget but sought sweet revenge!

    Like

  10. dragonfae says:

    Ha! I was the snarky older sister. Well, a lot of the time anyway. 😉

    “Seriously Mom, I’m just like Cinderella and the boys are my evil step-sisters.”
    I love this!

    Oh, and John … my dad still uses me as a threat against the youngest. 🙂

    Like

  11. Thypolar says:

    My daughter has the same attitude towards her older brother. I love it. Sometimes I find it difficult to keep a straight face.

    Like

  12. Hahaha –
    I’m still waiting for my growth spurt.
    But I think it has helped me with my speed.
    He who turns and runs away will live to run another day.
    🙂

    Like

  13. Susy Schultz says:

    Wow, she reminds me so much of myself. Awesome!

    Like

  14. jacquelincangro says:

    Can I say that I love Will’s artwork!?! Is that a “toot” next to his sister’s drawing? Too funny!

    Like

  15. JustPeachy says:

    Well, I’m the “little sister” to a snarky older sister! We’re nine years apart and she is STILL snarky!

    She mostly ignored me as children, but got snarky as we’ve aged. I think she always wanted to be an only child.

    Oh well.

    Like

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