“Will, you are so freakishly disgusting. I hate the way you chew…you sound like a sick cow.” Anna-11 to Will-10
I love the snarky older sister. She’s fabulous. Sadly, we don’t get to hear from her often enough because either: (a) she has denied me permission to post her quotes for fear it will damage her reputation, or (b) she is often confined to her room because of her snarky mouth…”Mom, I don’t get why they call it ‘grounded.’ It should be called ‘roomed’ because that’s where I’m stuck.”
So today, when she gave me the green light to “post away,” I jumped at the chance, hoping to shed some light on the snarky older sister and how she does not get the attention she deserves…just ask her, she’ll tell you, “Seriously Mom, I’m just like Cinderella and the boys are my evil step-sisters.”
The snarky older sister is wiser, smarter, stronger, faster and more talented than everyone else in the entire family…again, just ask her, and she’ll tell you, “I’m not trying to be mean or boastful. I’m just pointing out the facts.” And, with that said, she’ll roll her eyes and dramatically flip her hair. Unfortunately, her two younger brothers do not feel the same way. “Anna, the reason you’re so mean to us is because you feel badly about being such a fat-face.” And with that said, they run like hell for fear of what she’ll do once she catches them. Incidentally, they should run like hell because the snarky older sister has hit her growth spurt and the two younger brothers have not. “No boys. It’s more like your scrawny little selves are just jealous of my 11-year-old awesomeness.” And with that, she gives them both a small shove sending them flying like a couple of rag dolls.
Frustrated by the snarky older sister, the younger brothers are forced to express their anger through art therapy.
The younger brothers hold out hope that one day, they too, will hit their growth spurts. They dream of the day that they will no longer have to run like hell from their snarky older sister. They plot and plan to use their own height and girth to pay her back for years of snarky abuse. But wisely, I know, that by the time the two younger brothers hit their growth spurts, they will no longer be interested in getting even with their snarky older sister…they’ll be more interested in the snarky older sister’s snarky friends.
So today, I celebrate the snarky older sister, without one, our home would be incomplete. I send out a toast to snarky older sisters everywhere. Perhaps, you have a snarky older sister or maybe, you are one…just like me.