Monthly Archives: August 2011

VIP Seating Only…giddy up, shorty!

“Will, you and your friends CAN NOT sit in the back of the bus. The 6th graders ALWAYS sit in the back and the 5th graders ALWAYS sit up front. It’s kinda-sorta a rule. You guys are ruining it for the 6th … Continue reading

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No Paparazzi Please!

“Mom, if I were rich and famous, I would always wear a wet suit in the shower. I think it would be way too risky without one.”  Will-10 There seems to be rampant paranoia in this house. I bet they’ve been reading … Continue reading

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Lady, Don’t Even Think About It!

“Mom, I want you to stand on the front porch                                                         when my bus passes, but please don’t look                                                                      at the bus and definitely don’t wave or shout out.” Anna-11 I guess cartwheels down the sidewalk would be out of the question.

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A Line That Divides

“Oh My God, Mom! You can Not be serious! Why would you buy those?  They’re completely stupid and weird. The ones I had last year were so much better, these stink! Do you have any idea how embarrassing they are? I’m … Continue reading

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That Tooth Fairy Is A Cheapskate

“Mom, I realized something was up with the whole Tooth Fairy story when I found out kids at school were getting $10 bucks a tooth and all I got was a stinking buck…and mine didn’t even have cavities!” Anna-10 I … Continue reading

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Big Brother Is Watching You!

“Mom, are you positively positive there aren’t any security cameras in public bathrooms? Because if there are…I might ask you to put me back in diapers.”  Jay-8

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Kid, You’re Killing Me!

“Mom, no offense or anything, but I can’t hold your hand anymore. I mean, I still sorta wanna and I still really like you a whole bunch, but if anyone saw me holding your hand it would ruin my life. … Continue reading

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Excuses, Excuses

“Mom, when you were a kid, did you ever ask to go to the bathroom at school just to get out of class because you were bored?”  Will-10 …and then lock all the stall doors and sneak underneath? So tell … Continue reading

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It’s All About The Wand

“Mom, it’s not like I want to get married because girls are weird, but if you made me, I’d probably pick Emma Watson. You know her, she’s that Hermione girl from Harry Potter. She seems like she’d be ok. Plus, I … Continue reading

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Why Would Somebody…

“Mom, this is gonna sound crazy, but I swear…someone in this house farted on my waffles. And, it definitely wasn’t me.”  Jay-8 With that, I bid you all farewell.  In approximately 2 hours, 58 minutes and 35 seconds, I will … Continue reading

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It’s All Fun And Games Until…

“Time out, Jay! That’s a penalty. No biting. The score is 2-1.”  “Wait a second, Will! You choked me. I was just defending myself. Plus, you used your hands. Penalty on you. Score’s now 1-1.”  “Sorry, Jay. I was trying a new … Continue reading

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My Favorite Vegetable Is A Corn Dog

“Mom, I’ve got a question for you…did the Hopi American Indians eat a lot of corn dogs? I hear they really liked their corn.”  Jay-8 For those of you who were wondering about the duct tape… Apparently, this kid takes … Continue reading

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How In The Heck?

“Mom, here’s the thing I just don’t get…               how in the heck can Jay and Anna look                 just like Daddy when they came out of you?”     Will-10  “Go ask your father.”        

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Where’s The Duct Tape?

“Mom, can you help me? I need a permanent marker, duct tape, a flash light, a juice bag, some Goldfish crackers in a bowl and Will’s iPod. Can you put it in a box and bring it outside? I’ll be … Continue reading

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You Say Lazy, I Say Relaxing

“Mom, I swear! The swim team coaches specifically said that we should rest up for the big meet this weekend. They said we shouldn’t waste any of our energy…that means we’re not allowed to do stuff like clean our rooms or extra … Continue reading

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A Brilliant Plan…Not!

“Mom, we’ve decided we’re gonna have a yard sale to sell off all of our old, junky, broken-down toys. I bet we can get a ton of money and then you can take us to Toys “R” Us so we can … Continue reading

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Have You Heard? Stupid Is The New Cool.

“Mom, Anna called me stupid. It’s true, she did.”  Jay-8 “No, I didn’t. You’re lying. I called Will stupid. So there!”  Anna-11 “Yup, that’s right. She called me stupid. I’m the stupid one. Jay’s just trying to start trouble.”    Will-10   … Continue reading

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When In Spain, Do As The Chinese And Eat Spaghetti

“Mom, did you know that spaghetti is my favorite food? Well, it’s true. I think it’s pretty cool that spaghetti is just chinese food that comes from Spain. Ya know, I’ve always wanted to go to Spain…to eat the spaghetti, … Continue reading

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Why All The Fuss?

“Mom, I think you better check Jay’s backpack before we get to the airport.” Will-10   Backpack Contents 1.  Musket (Civil War toy replica) 2.  3 stuffed animals 3.  favorite blanket 4.  Rosary Beads (glow-in-the-dark version) 5.  old phone charger (without … Continue reading

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids | Tagged , , , , , , , | 21 Comments