I Heard It On The Bus: Part II

“Mom, just wait till you hear what I                                                                        learned on the bus today. You are gonna                                                                 LOVE it! Ready? Ok. Now, watch and listen…

‘Milk, milk, lemonade,

around the corner fudge is made.’

Isn’t that totally hilarious? I can’t wait to show all my friends at school.”    Jay-8

With the start of the new school year, I thought it would be fitting to post a new installment of I Heard It On The Bus. In case you haven’t heard, 75% of everything you learn in school originates on the bus. Now, before you go breathing a sigh of relief because your child doesn’t board that big yellow bus, let me fill you in on a little secret…it doesn’t really matter, because the kids that ride the bus…well, they love to share everything. How do I know this is true, you ask? I heard it on the bus, of course.

1.  “Mom, did you know that if you lick the back of the bus seat it tastes like Kentucky Fried Chicken? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

2.  “Mom, did you know that if you fart into a juice box, the juices turn into soda? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

3.  “Mom, did you know that the crazy cat lady from down the street scrapes dead animals off the road, cooks them up and eats them? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

4.  “Mom, did you know that if you bury a quarter from the state of Minnesota in your backyard, at exactly 11:59 pm during a thunderstorm, you’ll grow a real live money tree? But, here’s the problem…you can’t spend the money because it’s illegal and the police will throw you in juvie if you try. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

5.  “Mom, did you know that if a kid drinks coffee it will stunt his growth and he’ll grow an early mustache? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

6.  “Mom, did you know that most bus drivers hate kids? That’s why they purposely put the heat up to 95 and won’t let you put the windows down. They want kids to feel sick and throw-up on themselves, especially on picture day. That’s why the seat in the third row always smells like puke. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

7.  “Mom, did you know the best way to get out of going to school is to rub your whole body with poison ivy? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

8.  “Mom, did you know that the reason the food at school tastes so gross is because the cafeteria ladies barf and then form it into whatever they are suppose to serve for the day? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

9.  “Mom, did you know that most people would rather clean up pee than throw-up? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

10. “Mom, did you know that 27% of the pollution on earth comes from cow poop? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

If you’ve missed the first installment of  I Heard It On The Bus, please do yourself a favor and stay in the know.

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About youngamericanwisdom.com

A mother's plight to find the funny in the frustrating and save her sanity.
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53 Responses to I Heard It On The Bus: Part II

  1. LeRoy Dean says:

    The things I didn’t know…

    Like

  2. I don’t know about most of that stuff, but I imagine #9 is true. And I might have to try #2!

    Like

  3. Bearman says:

    haha. I taught my 8 year old nephew Milk Milk (with the hand motions). I never saw him laugh so hard. He kept doing it and my wife and I were very pleased with ourselves but his parents were pissed.

    Like

  4. Number two had me laughing so hard. I read it to my husband and he said, “Really? is that true?!”

    Like

  5. Hahaha…
    you should send a few of these in to Mythbusters, Y.A.W…
    they would make for some interesting ‘sperimenting!
    🙂

    Like

  6. John Erickson says:

    Lick the bus seat? Not even with somebody else’s tongue!
    I always wondered how they carbonated soda….
    And I think you can take the comment about bus drivers as absolute truth. I know I’d swear to it!
    Your kids are such an endless font of …. wisdom?

    Like

    • John, I take it you’re not a fan of KFC, had a wicked bus driver growing up and are currently considering the possibility of carbonated goat’s milk. 😉

      Like

      • John Erickson says:

        I do eat KFC, though I prefer Popeye’s. I’ll take a pass on the carbonated goat’s milk – anything that smells THAT foul (sorry, Blackjack) can’t put out anything that tastes good. And A wicked bus driver? We averaged at least 3 a year, one time we went through 5. I’m not sure why we were so hard on them – might’ve had something to do with the real lowlifes being the last kids off. A 30-minute drive in an un-heated or un-cooled bus, with the dregs? Surprised none of ’em went off in the white jackets with the REALLY long sleeves…….

        Like

  7. jacquelincangro says:

    Interesting…I’ve heard #1 and #6 also apply to the subway. Hmm…there are a lot of parallels there.

    Like

  8. No wonder I have no common sense. I never rode the bus!

    Like

  9. Sherry K. says:

    I tell you…even though my kids are grown and my grand kids are practically grown up too, I keep coming back for more funnies here! I guess the kid in me really appreciates your humor and it brings back fond memories. After all these years the same old things are still funny and relevant…(-:

    Sherry

    Like

  10. dragonfae says:

    ROTFL … I don’t know why but #2 has me giggling my fool head off! And #8? Eeeeewwww! :O

    Like

  11. Lenore Diane says:

    I am so glad your kids ride the bus. I am learning so very much from them.

    Like

  12. msmouse7 says:

    Thanks to your postings (and the wisdom of your children), I am constantly chuckling in my sleeve. People always thought I was nuts, but now they want to know what’s so funny. It’s hard to explain their looks when I answer with “milk, milk, lemonade…” Thank goodness most of my friends have children and tend to remember those little gems.

    Like

    • Ms. Mouse, it warms my heart to know I’ve made you smile. Someday, I hope these silly little blog entries will be a gift to my children when they’re feeling nostalgic for their youth. Well, that…or, at the very least, an excellent bribery tool in their teen years. 😉

      Like

  13. I think #2 is the inspiration for the soda stream machine.
    #9 hell yea!
    Keep the funny coming!

    Like

  14. Tony McGurk says:

    I learned the Milk Milk one at primary school too. My Mum always went with the Stunt your growth line on coffee too. I wonder if that’s why I’m only 5′ 4″ with a mustache. All of these gave me a great laugh & next time I’m craving KFC I’m gunna ride the bus.

    Like

  15. frigginloon says:

    I always walked to school 😦

    Like

  16. MC/Curtis says:

    I sure don’t miss riding the school bus. But I did hear that Mrs. Chronister the fourth grade teacher at Grove Elementary in Tulsa in 1982 was really a shaved sasquatch that use to eat children in the woods and that’s why she still hated children. I heard it on the bus!

    Like

    • Mrs. Chronister and Mrs. Wallace (the thrid garde teacher at Second Hill Lane in Stratford, Connecticut in 1979) must have been sisters. Mrs. Wallace had the hair on her knuckles and the wicked temperament to prove that she was a sasquatch. She’s listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as the World’s Worst Teacher. It’s true…I heard it on the bus!

      Thanks for the heads up on “Plant of the Apes”…damn spell check. Ugh!

      Like

  17. anilbalan says:

    Funny as well as interesting 🙂

    http://anilbalan.com/

    Like

  18. O. Leonard says:

    OMG, this stuff is priceless. You could write a whole book on “I Heard It On The Bus!” I couldn’t stop laughing thinking how the “Milk, Milk” has lived on through the generations.

    Like

  19. Pingback: I Heard It On The Bus: Part III | Young American Wisdom

  20. Pingback: I Heard It On The Bus: Part IV | Young American Wisdom

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  23. Pingback: I Heard It On The Bus: Part VI | Young American Wisdom

  24. Pingback: I Heard It On The Bus: Part VII | Young American Wisdom

  25. artjen1971 says:

    These are HILARIOUS! Did your kids actually say all these to you?

    Like

  26. Pingback: I Heard It On The Bus: Part VIII | Young American Wisdom

  27. Pingback: I Heard It On The Bus: Part IX | Young American Wisdom

  28. Pingback: I Heard It On The Bus: Part X | Young American Wisdom

  29. Pingback: I Heard It On The Bus: Part XI | Young American Wisdom

  30. Pingback: I Heard It On The Bus: XII | Young American Wisdom

  31. Pingback: I Heard It On The Bus: XIII | Young American Wisdom

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