I Wish I Was A Circus Freak

“Hey, Mom…come here! You wanna see something really cool? Look…I can scratch my head with my toes. Isn’t that amazing? Do you think they’ll put me in the record books for this?” Jay-8

I highly doubt they’ll put him in the Guinness Book of World Records, but it does
make for one hell of a party trick. You know, your party tricks…those great
little skills you keep in your back pocket that rarely get to see the light of
day. We all have a hidden talent that we break out on special occasions, after
a couple of drinks, to amuse our family and friends. Those fancy little tricks of
the trade that you secretly think would impress the likes of P.T. Barnum and win
you a spot as a headliner in a circus sideshow. When was the last time you dazzled your friends with yours?

If you promise to keep a secret, I’ll share my party trick with you. I picked it up one
evening in college, most likely on a night that I was supposed to be studying
for an exam in Existential Phenomenology…guess that explains my big fat D for
the semester. Do not try this at home and, for God’s sake, please don’t tell my mother.  Are you ready? Drum roll, please!I can stop a fan with my tongue. Eat your heart out Gene Simmons!

So, what’s your party trick? Are you famous for the one-handed cartwheel? Can you roll your eyelids inside out? Can you suck a spaghetti noodle through your nose and into your mouth? Or, like my husband, can you recite every line from Caddyshack…”We have a pool and a pond. The pond would be good for you.”

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A mother's plight to find the funny in the frustrating and save her sanity.
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39 Responses to I Wish I Was A Circus Freak

  1. Jason says:

    I can snap off of anything. Any surface that I use for leverage for my middle finger to snap back and hit below my thumb will successfully result in the finger snapping noise. Pretty sure I could have my own Vegas show if I really wanted to.

    Like

    • Ok, my new pal Jason, here’s the plan…I’ll warm-up the crowd with my fan stopping skills. Then you come on and dazzle the crowd with your finger snapping trick. I think we’ll be stars…maybe bigger than the Rat Pack.

      Thanks for reading. I hope you’ll stop back.

      Like

  2. Yeah, I’ve got nothing. No future in the circus.

    Like

  3. That’s awesome! I don’t think I could watch, though, Nancy – I’d be far too nervous for you!
    Natural spring?! Oh, yeah! Or, or… the pool or a pond… anything would be good.
    🙂

    Like

  4. Holy wow to your trick! o.O

    As for mine?

    None! Sad, eh?

    Like

    • You definitely have a trick…you’ve just forgotten it. Can you say the alphabet backwards while standing on your head? Maybe your a whiz with a yo-yo and can “Walk the Dog” like nobody’s business? I bet you can walk and chew gum at the same time…sometimes I struggle with that one. 😉

      Like

  5. John Erickson says:

    I’ve got prehensile toes, if that counts for anything. Otherwise, my dexterity leaves a LOT to be desired.
    Is there any chance we can find out the story behind your discovery of your … talent? I cannot honestly picture a point in time when I would need to stop a fan with my tongue. Or maybe I’m just not creative today?

    Like

    • Can you use your prehensile toes to milk a goat while whistling Yankee Doodle Dandy? 😉

      I was encouraged to try the idiotic fan stopping trick by some fellow idiotic fan stoppers. Somebody had a plastic (not metal) rotating fan in their dorm room that happened to be missing the protective grate. I think alcohol and a serious case of irresponsibility may have been involved.

      Like

      • John Erickson says:

        Well, I can whistle, but as the only goat I know is BlackJack, I am NOT going to try the milking part! (He already looks at me oddly every spring….)

        Like

  6. I don’t have a circus trick… damn… but I know a guy who would do that spaghetti noodle trick with the gold necklace he’d always wear, snort it through his nose and out his mouth and there would be one end hanging out of each. It’s making me gag just thinking about it!

    Like

  7. cooper says:

    i can touch my forehead with my tongue…

    also, i can turn Spam into something edible…

    Like

    • I don’t think I’ve ever eaten Spam. Am I missing out?

      If you can touch your forehead with your tongue, you’d be a pro at stopping a fan. If you feel compelled to try it, make sure it’s a plastic fan….it’s all fun and games until someone loses a tongue.

      Like

  8. Lisa (Woman Wielding Words) says:

    Hmm, I can touch my nose with my tongue, and I once won a prize for the ugliest funny face contest.

    Like

  9. MC/Curtis says:

    Well… I do know that I can stop a ceiling fan with my head. I don’t remember why I was up there. I’m also really good at ripping my pants by simply bending. I do that one at a lot of parties.

    Like

  10. If I ever get arrested, or have handcuffs locked around my wrists behind my back for some other reason, I can bring my arms back over my head and clock anyone standing in front of me. I have yet to find a practical use for this gift.

    Like

  11. no you can’t…can you? lemmee ask you…how did you find out out you could do this? one drunken night you thought “i’ve got a great idea…why don’t i just stick my tongue in this fan…what could go wrong?” love it.

    Like

  12. msmouse7 says:

    Do tell, please! How do you stop a fan with your tongue (assuming you still have a tongue). Up until about 10 years ago (before arthritis really kicked in) I could twist my hands in front of me, cross my elbows inside each other, and then stick my head through — all without letting go of my hands. Guess you had to be there.

    Like

    • Damn arthritis…ruins all the fun! Impressive talent, Ms. Mouse. I would have to say that the fact that you’re toilet training cats beats my fan stopping skills anyday of the week. That’s your new party trick. Just carry those pictures around in your back pocket and pull them out when need be. 🙂 See my response to O. Leonard for my fan stopping how-to. 😉

      Like

  13. O. Leonard says:

    Okay, I tie a cigarette in an actual knot, and I untie and smoke it. And I’m skeptical about your tongue stopping a fan. I’m going to be a Doubting Thomas. The one time I tried to stop a fan with my finger, it chopped a small piece of it off. I don’t know what possessed me to put my finger in the moving fan, but I think I was five or six at the time.

    Like

    • Wait a second…do you tie the cigarette in a knot with your tongue…like tying a maraschino cherry stem with your tongue? Impressive.
      Ok, Doubting Thomas…here’s the deal. I was in college and alcohol may or may not have been involved…I can’t really remember. There was a rotating desk fan in someone’s dorm room that was missing the protective grate. Keep in mind, it has to be a plastic fan not metal…using a metal fan would be just plain stupid. 😉 I was not the first to try…that would also have been stupid. Fyi…the plastic fans stop when something comes in contact with it…hence my ability to speak today. Maybe I’ll make a video and put it on Youtube. 😉

      Like

  14. Tony McGurk says:

    Maybe he will grow up to be Super Flexibleman

    Like

  15. I love your blog, and named you for the Versatile Blogger Award. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is outlined on my blog. Thanks for all of the smiles you give me!

    Like

  16. Tori Nelson says:

    Don’t go around telling people about your tongue talent. I got hit on wayyyyy too many times (and always for the wrong reasons!). Hilarious post as always!

    Like

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