I Heard It On The Bus: Part V

“Mom, guess what? I don’t have any homework because I did it on the bus. Did you know that it’s a well-known fact that kids who do their homework on the bus get better grades and have more time to play? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.” Jay-9

Hey kids, guess what time it is? No sillies, it’s not Howdy Doody time. It’s something even better…it’s time for another episode of I Heard It On The Bus. So climb aboard,  find a seat and listen up…it’s going to be a wild ride.

1.  “Mom, did you hear that President Obama is making a law that kids in middle school have to wear deodorant? The school nurses are going to be forced to do smell checks. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”  

2.  “Mom, did you know that you should never eat the fish sticks they serve in the cafeteria at school? They’re made of dead goldfish collected from local pet stores. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

3.  “Mom, did you know that you should never sit next to a spitty-mouth kid on the bus? If you do, you’re guaranteed to have a nasty case of pink eye in the morning. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

4.  “Mom, did you know that the cafeteria ladies at school hate kids? They secretly rub the cafeteria floor with butter. It makes their day to see kids fall and drop their lunch. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”  

5.  “Mom, did you know that kids who wear braces are more likely to get struck by lightning? Thousands of kids die each year because the metal in their mouths attract lightning strikes. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”  

6.  “Mom, did you know that most bus drivers drive fast and take chances? They do it because they secretly hate kids and it makes the little kindergartners wet their pants. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

7.  “Mom, did you know that it’s a well-known fact that eating the crust on bread will give you a bad case of the farts? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

8.  “Mom, did you know that if you say, ‘Bloody Mary’ three times while looking in your bathroom mirror, a bloody face will appear? Her ghost will haunt you for the rest of your life and cause you to die of a heart attack at an early age. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

9.  “Mom, did you know that you should never wear Spiderman underwear past the 2nd grade? If you do, there’s a good chance you’ll get beat up by lunchtime. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

10. “Mom, did you know that most school librarians hate kids? They secretly write bad stuff about kids on the bathroom walls at school. Mean stuff like, ‘Joey Z. is a loser. He can’t read.’ It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”   

If you missed our last wild ride on the big yellow bus, please don’t fret. Take a look-see at past episodes of I Heard It On The Bus. You’ll be glad you did.

I Heard It On The Bus

I Heard It On The Bus: Part II

I Heard It On The Bus: Part III

I Heard It On The Bus: Part IV

 

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A mother's plight to find the funny in the frustrating and save her sanity.
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44 Responses to I Heard It On The Bus: Part V

  1. Lisa Wields Words says:

    I hope the Tea Party doesn’t get wind of the deoderant law, it could be disastrous! So much wisdom on that little yellow school bus.

    Like

  2. cooper says:

    I never knew there were so many people who hate kids involved in the school system. No wonder SAT scores are falling…

    Like

  3. What makes these so funny is the itty bitty spark of truth engrained in each one!

    Like

  4. John Erickson says:

    Number 9 is a know fact. Number 2 explains SO much a to why I don’t like fish. I think they proved number 5, sort of, on Mythbusters, though it was with piercings. And I will absolutely, positively vouch for number 6. I think they hire NASCAR drivers who have gotten too old. (At least, that’s what I heard on the bus…..)

    Like

  5. dragonfae says:

    ROTFL! I just KNEW bus drivers, cafeteria workers, and school librarians hated kids! I didn’t ride the bus but it’s nice to finally have confirmation. 😀

    Like

  6. Number 4 is definitely true.

    Like

  7. Lenore Diane says:

    My brother-in-law is a bus driver. I can vouch for #6. Just don’t tell my brother-in-law I told you.

    Like

  8. Bearman says:

    I am all for the middle school deodorant. I remember how smelly we were after puberty.

    Like

  9. LaureeOhOhOh says:

    Oh, the school bus… How I miss those school-ward journey conversations.

    Like

  10. as far as #8 goes, this is true… and, a little known fact re this same phenomenon is – if you say “Highballs” a giraffe will appear. But I caution all of you, do not try this unless you have a really big bathroom. continue…

    Like

  11. ryoko861 says:

    Oh, this reminds me of the years my kids took the bus! Amazing what they talk about and there’s a lot to talk about in that 45 minute ride!

    I missed so much in my youth. I never rode the school bus!

    These were hilarious!

    Which reminds me of a little diddy that a friend of ours used to sing to his kids when they were little:
    Oh the wheels on the bus go round and round
    Now they’re flat,
    That is that.

    Like

    • Welcome, Ryoko. You are among friends.
      Crazy things are shared when you stick 40 kids together into a small, basically unsupervised, space. The school bus is realIy a world unto itself.
      Thanks for sharing your song. That’s the first time I’ve heard of that ending.
      Thanks so much for reading!

      Like

  12. jacquelincangro says:

    Well I hope those school nurses on deodorant check get paid a BIG salary. That’s one stinky job!

    Like

  13. Please explain #7 and why my son never eat break crust but prides himself on cutting some really funky farts? Do you think he’s sneaking bread crust?

    Like

    • Welcome, Very Busy Mom! I’d start to keep track of your bread crust. It sounds suspicious to me. He may even be selling it on the bus…a nickel a crust. That’s why the windows on the bus are always fogged up…all the farting. It’s true…I heard it on the bus. 😉

      Like

  14. Oh, man. I heard that Bloody Mary story on the bus, approximately 25 years ago. It’s STILL with me! (The story, not the bloody head… I hope.) I mean, I heard it on the bus, right? It HAS to be true!

    Like

    • Welcome, Desi! How about the game Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board…remember that one? We used to play it at slumber parties and I swear, it worked. Totally creeped me out!
      Thanks so much for reading and for taking the time to comment. I hope you enjoyed the nonsense.

      Like

  15. Okay, I can verify that #9 is accurate. I’m a mother of two, young men that were once in elementary school.

    Like

  16. MC/Curtis says:

    Bread crusts! I should have known! Now I know why I have the farts.
    Is there a deodorant for that?

    Like

  17. Pingback: They Heard About It On The Bus | Young American Wisdom

  18. The bloody mary one is still on the bus? that’s where I heard it 20 years ago.

    Like

  19. Pingback: I Heard It On The Bus: Part VI | Young American Wisdom

  20. Pingback: I Heard It On The Bus: Part VII | Young American Wisdom

  21. Pingback: I Heard It On The Bus: Part VIII | Young American Wisdom

  22. Pingback: I Heard It On The Bus: Part IX | Young American Wisdom

  23. Pingback: I Heard It On The Bus: Part X | Young American Wisdom

  24. Pingback: I Heard It On The Bus: Part XI | Young American Wisdom

  25. Pingback: I Heard It On The Bus: XII | Young American Wisdom

  26. Pingback: I Heard It On The Bus: XIII | Young American Wisdom

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