I Heard It On The Bus: Part VI

“Mom, did you know that the best way to avoid having the principal sit with you on the bus is to NOT throw paper airplanes at the back of the bus driver’s head? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.” Anna-11

If I had to take a guess, I would expect that this is true. The job of a school bus driver might be the single worst job known to mankind. Is it any wonder they secretly hate kids? Let’s review what else was learned on the bus this week. Prepare to be enlightened.

1.  “Mom, did you know that Katy Perry is pregnant with Justin Bieber’s baby? That’s why Russell Brand is asking her for a divorce. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

2. “Mom, did you know that you should always hold your breath when you pass a cemetery? It’s rude to breathe in front of dead people. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

3.  “Mom, did you know that the government might make kids go to school all year round without a summer vacation? They secretly hate kids and want to ruin their lives. That’s why they won’t let kids bring cupcakes to school on their birthdays anymore. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

4.  “Mom, did you know that if you put deodorant on the bottom of your feet, your farts won’t stink? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

5.  “Mom, did you know that there’s a kid on the bus who eats Pokemon cards? He says if you eat enough Pikachu cards you’ll be able to shock people, sorta like a stun gun. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.” 

6. “Mom, did you know why kids go to the bathroom so many times when they’re out to eat at restaurants? It’s because Leprechauns sometimes leave gold coins behind public toilets. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

7. “Mom, did you know that Justin Bieber is addicted to eating his own poop? A kid said he saw it on YouTube. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

8.  “Mom, did you know that in some foreign countries people greet each other by farting on their hands before a handshake? It’s a sign of respect. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

9.  “Mom, did you know that you should never talk on the phone while going to the bathroom? There’s a good chance you’ll get electrocuted and die. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

10. “Mom, did you know that there’s a place called a Pole Dancing Club? They say you shouldn’t go. You could get poked in the eye with a pole. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

I’m taking a blogging break next week. I want to read other blogs and respond to comments. If you’re looking for entertainment, you are welcome to get caught up on past episodes of I Heard It On The Bus. You’ll be glad you did.

I Heard It On The Bus

I Heard It On The Bus: Part II

I Heard It On The Bus: Part III

I Heard It On The Bus: Part IV

I Heard It On The Bus: Part V

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About youngamericanwisdom.com

A mother's plight to find the funny in the frustrating and save her sanity.
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54 Responses to I Heard It On The Bus: Part VI

  1. Re: #2 – didn’t you know that’s how all those dead people ended up in the cemetery in the first place? They didn’t hold their breath.
    So sorry you’re taking a break. I love your posts.

    Like

  2. Enjoy your break! And I’ll be sure to tell my husband about number 4.

    Like

  3. Lisa Wields Words says:

    I remember holding my breath to go past cemeteries or if we drove through a tunnel. And now, for some reason, Sarah has been taught to raise her hand when they go over railroad tracks. Don’t ask me, it happens on the bus.

    Enjoy your break! You will be missed but we understand. Now I too must go and experiment with #4

    Like

    • Around here they raise their feet when they pass over train tracks. I’m going to find out why and add it to the next I Heard It On The Bus. Maybe it helps with anxiety, I always cringe when I drive over train tracks. I worry the signal might be out of order and I’m about to be smashed to smithereens.

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  4. Brilliant post as always! 🙂

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  5. MC/Curtis says:

    I hope they use deodorant on their feet before they shake hands in that country! Haha… Have a good break!

    Like

  6. ryoko861 says:

    Oh, well, if it was seen on YouTube, then it must be true! I mean, that’s the real reality TV!
    Let me tell ya, bus drivers may have the most dubious job, but being on the other end or in the car following them is enough to go prehistoric! Let’s. Stop. At. Every. Corner. On. The. Block. God. Forbid. The. Child. Walks. 300. Feet. To. His. House.

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    • So true! It never fails that you get behind a bus when you’re running late and need to make up time. It doesn’t help that the kids on the back of the bus are probably making obscene gestures at you either…like rubbing salt in a wound.

      Like

  7. Jezibelle says:

    Oh my gosh. I’m not sure if I should LET my five year old ride the bus…. Maybe I’ll stick to picking him up myself… but the amusement factor is quite tempting.

    Like

    • It’s really a catch-22. The bus is super convenient for us parents and the kids love it, but you know deep down that your percious little cherubs are totally being corrupted…or doing the corrupting. 😉
      Welcome, Jezibelle. Thanks for reading.

      Like

  8. dragonfae says:

    LOL … I guess even the kids hate the Beibster eh? Enjoy your break Nancy!

    Like

  9. John Erickson says:

    Oh, man, #10 is funny on SO many levels! 😀
    Enjoy your break!

    Like

  10. Bearman says:

    The kids have it wrong. You hold your breath when passing a cemetery so the spirits don’t get in your mouth.

    Like

    • …and wreak havoc on your soul. When I was a teenager, my friend and I took my younger brother and his friends to a cemetery at night and locked them in a mausoleum. He didn’t hold his breath. He hasn’t slept in years…he’s still pissed at me!

      Like

  11. jacquelincangro says:

    I wish they’d have let me in on this leprechaun secret years ago. I’d have a pot o’ gold by now.

    Like

  12. you are a very funny woman Nancy. continue…

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  13. I want to be on that bus! 🙂

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  14. #10 just about did me in. I think there needs to be more attention paid to that in the media 😉

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  15. It’s interesting how there are always a few farting related bus-isms in these posts. Apparently kids like to talk about farting! That cemetery one is bizarre!

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  16. Tony McGurk says:

    Does Katy Perry know about this???

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  17. The Biebs strikes again!!!
    NOOOOOOoooooo!!!
    😦

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  18. cooper says:

    and the book compiling all the on-the-bus and other kid quotes is due out when?????

    Like

  19. Pingback: I DIDN’T Hear it On the Bus « Woman Wielding Words

  20. wordsfallfrommyeyes says:

    I’ve dropped by your page before, and always laughed. I clicked this time because I see you were nominated by Barkinginthedark for his blog award thing. Anyone he’s interested in, I am too! Your stuff is just great, really makes me smile. A wonderful page, content 🙂

    Like

  21. derekberry says:

    You’re kids are hilarious.

    Like

  22. kvetchmom says:

    So funny! My kids come home from camp with all kinds of weird stuff they’ve learned. My favorite from last summer was the kid who kept telling my daughter that she is a demon and is going to hell, and that she is going to burn in hell. Sweet. I’m excited to have found your blog!

    http://kvetchmom.wordpress.com

    Like

  23. confessionsofadumbblonde says:

    Absolutely fantastic… I’m so glad I stumbled across your blog, this has really made me chuckle!

    Like

  24. Pingback: An Award Almost as Good as a Leg Lamp | The Life of J-Wo

  25. Pingback: I Heard It On The Bus: Part VII | Young American Wisdom

  26. Pingback: I Heard It On The Bus: Part VIII | Young American Wisdom

  27. Pingback: I Heard It On The Bus: Part IX | Young American Wisdom

  28. Pingback: I Heard It On The Bus: Part X | Young American Wisdom

  29. Pingback: I Heard It On The Bus: Part XI | Young American Wisdom

  30. Pingback: I Heard It On The Bus: XII | Young American Wisdom

  31. Pingback: I Heard It On The Bus: XIII | Young American Wisdom

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