I Heard It On The Bus: Part VII

“Mom, did you know that on every bus there’s a book hidden beneath the seat in the 10th row, on the left-hand side? It’s a secret book filled with all the world’s bad words. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”  Will-10

I knew it! Where else would today’s kids possibly be picking up bad words? Certainly not from us. That damn bus strikes again. Let’s find out what the hell else they’ve learned this week, shall we?

1. “Mom, did you know that the best way to freak out your friends is to smear chocolate pudding inside their lunch boxes when they’re not looking? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

2.  “Mom, did you know that some kid from South America climbed Mt. Everest in 6 hours and 15 minutes, wearing only a hoodie sweatshirt and flip-flops? They say he left a trail of cheese curls behind so he could find his way back down. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.” 

3.  “Mom, did you know that the boys bathroom next to the school cafeteria is haunted? A bunch of years ago some kid pooped in the urinal. They say the karma in there got screwed up and now weird stuff happens. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

4.  “Mom, did you know that the only good thing about having assigned seats on the bus is that you can always remember where you stuck your gum in the morning? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.” 

5.  “Mom, did you know that you should never eat the meatloaf at school? It’s made from the gunk scrapped out from under the cafeteria ladies’ finger nails. They do it because they secretly hate kids. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

6.  “Mom, did you know that you can always tell how tall a kid is going to get by the sound of his farts? Tall kids always have the loudest farts, short kids have the smelliest. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

7.  “Mom, did you know that you should never lick a water fountain? If you do, you’ll end up dead in 3 days. The only way to save yourself is to quickly eat a worm.” It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

8. “Mom, did you know that the best way to study for Friday’s spelling test is to color the inside of your belly button with an orange marker? They say it helps with memory. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”  

9.  “Mom, did you know that some colleges give scholarships to kids who can burp their ABC’s, especially if English isn’t their first language. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

10. “Mom, did you know that in some foreign countries’ it’s a tradition to laminate your boogers and send them as Christmas cards? Its true…I heard it on the bus.”

I’ve fallen way behind on comments and visits again. Please know, I’ll be catching up next week and popping over to say hello. Happy Friday, everyone!

I Heard It On The Bus

I Heard It On The Bus: Part II

I Heard It On The Bus: Part III

I Heard It On The Bus: Part IV

I Heard It On The Bus: Part V

I Heard It On The Bus: Part VI

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About youngamericanwisdom.com

A mother's plight to find the funny in the frustrating and save her sanity.
This entry was posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

43 Responses to I Heard It On The Bus: Part VII

  1. Lisa Wields Words says:

    I am completely speechless. I can, however, testify that short people can produce really loud farts.

    Like

  2. I think I have that same secret book stashed underneath my car seat. Very handy when I get into ‘aggressive driver’ mode.

    I can attest to the fact that tall people have loud farts. My husband is 6’2″ and uh…well…yeah. Let’s hope he never read this.

    Like

  3. Sadly, my kids chose to keep all valuable information like this from me. Could you start an ongoing series where you highlight the kids who are passing on this info? I’m in awe of them. They have bright futures ahead of them in either marketing or politics.

    Like

  4. John Erickson says:

    I can sort of believe the first one, about the bad words. Several of our buses had them written down. Just not in a book – more like all over the seats and backs!
    And why would you need a trail to get back down Everest? Just fall, and roll until you stop. Voila!
    As to the “bad karma” in the men’s room, I’ll vouch that MOST men’s rooms have some funky things going on in there! 😀

    Like

  5. tell Will i put that book there. continue…

    Like

  6. Lenore Diane says:

    Aw man! I wish you posted this earlier… someone dared me to lick the water fountain today, and I did it. I guess I better go eat a worm.

    Like

  7. jacquelincangro says:

    Re: #8 I wonder what happens if you have an “outie” belly button. Does the orange marker still work its magic?

    Like

  8. ryoko861 says:

    If they heard it on the bus, then the person they heard it from obviously heard it from someone else. I want to know WHERE THAT person heard it from? And who was the devious goober who made it all up? Someone’s brother or sister no less I bet!
    I may never eat meatloaf again! That was just gross!

    Like

  9. dragonfae says:

    Poop screws up karma? Who knew? And I’m curious as to why it must be an orange marker to color the belly button. Speaking of belly buttons, what if you have an “outie”?

    Like

  10. madtante says:

    That’s so “old skool” (intentional word play). Nowadays, it’s “saw it on the internet.” I’m happy kids still enjoy some of our pastimes.

    Like

  11. Karen says:

    I think I’d like to take the bus with Will some day. 🙂

    Like

  12. Bearman says:

    Does anyone who sits in the 10th row have the ability to confirm or deny?

    Like

  13. Do you have any readers from a foreign country? I would like to request a Christmas card from them. It just better be laminated.

    Like

  14. Tony McGurk says:

    I’m sure I heard #2 on the news recently. I knew those cafeteria ladies were not to be trusted. We had a cafeteria lady at high school called Mrs. Tatnell & she only worked their so she had access to kids to be mean to.

    Like

  15. Tony McGurk says:

    It’s not always easy to keep up with everyone’s recent posts. I’d be lost without my RSS Reader

    Like

  16. HA!
    I thought I just saw the shadow of a urinal the other night…
    I went to go find some pudding and it was just floating in my kitchen…
    then it vanished quicker than you can say ‘ Drano’…
    🙂

    Like

  17. Antigone's Clamor says:

    Unbelievable…I loved these! What little characters these bus-riders must be. 🙂

    Like

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  19. Pingback: I Heard It On The Bus: Part VIII | Young American Wisdom

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  21. Pingback: I Heard It On The Bus: Part IX | Young American Wisdom

  22. Pingback: I Heard It On The Bus: Part X | Young American Wisdom

  23. Pingback: I Heard It On The Bus: Part XI | Young American Wisdom

  24. Pingback: I Heard It On The Bus: XII | Young American Wisdom

  25. Pingback: I Heard It On The Bus: XIII | Young American Wisdom

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