I Heard It On The Bus: Part XI

I recently received the loveliest rejection letter from the editor of MAD Magazine for my submission of I Heard It On The Bus. I know, you don’t usually associate the word lovely with MAD Magazine or rejection, but honestly, their thanks-but-no-thanks letter left me with a smile rather than the need to curl up into the fetal position and sob. Sadly, I can’t say the same for my boys.

“We found it sweet and whimsical, but a little too sweet for MAD.  Some version of it would have worked for MAD Kids, but publication of that title ceased three years ago.”

Spurred on by the fact that they didn’t say, “This crap totally sucks. You stink!” I’m continuing to nose around for the entertaining nonsense being passed around on the big yellow bus. So, without further ado, I give you the latest I Heard It On The Bus.

1.  “Mom, did you know that in some foreign countries, people use ear wax instead of Chapstick?” It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

2.  “Mom, did you know that boogers are like snowflakes? No two are ever alike. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

3.  “Mom, did you know if you eat a peanut butter and banana sandwich while sitting on the toilet, you’ll have a baby? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.” 

4.  “Mom, did you know it’s against the law if you don’t wear underwear to school. The school nurse keeps a stash of underwear in her desk drawer for the kids who forget. As punishment, she makes the boys wear pink princess underwear in toddler sizes. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

5.  “Mom, did you know that mermaids are real? And, I don’t mean the ones like Ariel. I mean the evil ones who want to kill kids and eat them. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”   

6.  “Mom, did you know that shouting at food makes it cook faster? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

7.  “Mom, did you know that kids who snort up their boogers instead of blowing their nose, end up pooping worms? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

8.  “Mom, did you know if you eat a pickle before you go to sleep, you’ll have nightmares and wet the bed? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

9.  “Mom, did you know if you put a bag of Sour Patch Kids into a can of Mountain Dew and drink it, you’ll be able to fart a hole through your math homework? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

10. “Mom, did you know it’s a well-known fact that spiders crawl into your mouth while you sleep? Most of the time they just pee, but every once in a while they lay eggs, too. That’s why people have morning breath. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”  

Fact or Fiction? As usual, I’ll let you be the judge.

For past episodes of I Heard It On The Bus, click below…

I Heard It On The Bus

I Heard It On The Bus: Part II

I Heard It On The Bus: Part III

I Heard It On The Bus: Part IV

I Heard It On The Bus: Part V

I Heard It On The Bus: Part VI

I Heard It On The Bus: Part VII

I Heard It On The Bus: Part VIII

I Heard It On The Bus: Part IX

I Heard It On The Bus: Part X

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About youngamericanwisdom.com

A mother's plight to find the funny in the frustrating and save her sanity.
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28 Responses to I Heard It On The Bus: Part XI

  1. ryoko861 says:

    YOU MEAN THAT’S WHERE BABIES COME FROM!!! BANANA AND PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICHES!! OMG, I better have a talk with my boys and stop buying bananas!!!

    Like

  2. That is a pleasant rejection. Have you thought about submitting to some of the kids magazines like Cricket or Highlights. I have a feeling you would have luck there.

    Like

  3. vanessagobes says:

    bahahahahaha! i’m dying over #9. fart jokes get me every time. you are just too funny! MAD is, well, mad not to publish your submissions! try parents magazine. there’s a home for you out there for sure!!!!!!

    Like

  4. I gotta argue with the peanut butter and banana sandwiches, or otherwise Elvis woulda had DOZENS of kids … unless they’re out there incognito…. oh crap! 😯
    And I think #6 is wrong, too – the louder I scream at the microwave, the SLOWER things seem to cook. Or does it only work for conventional ovens? Perhaps therein lies the rub….
    Not a bad rejection letter. They could’ve just told you to go take a long flying leap. Downright kind, compared to some of the rejections I got when job-seeking! 😀

    Like

  5. Tony McGurk says:

    All this talk of earwax & boogers nearly had me gagging. I’m sensitive to that kinda stuff

    Like

  6. Forget Mad…you need your own book.

    Like

  7. Binky says:

    We need to restrict peanut butter and banana sandwiches, then.

    Like

  8. Congrats on having the courage to send your work out into the world. That’s definitely a “positive rejection” note. Keep it up!

    Like

  9. I agree with bearmancartoons. Go the book route. That being said, that is the nicest darn rejection letter I’ve ever seen!

    Like

  10. I think even getting a letter back is a very good sign, Nancy. I would say (literally) 90% + of the publications I submitted material to in the past never responded to me… at all. Ever. Just echoing what everyone else has said… keep trying. You have a very entertaining / unique thing here… AND it’s incredibly relatable, too… it’s only a matter of finding the right spot. Or the least lazy / uncreative editor. Oops… I didn’t just say that out loud, did I?!
    😉

    Like

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