“Of course I am? What’s wrong with it?”
“Look at it! It’s a crayon. You might as well send me to school in a diaper. I bet even the little kindergarteners will give me a hard time about this one.”
The following is an old post, but I thought it would go along well with this morning’s conversation. Plus, it cracks me up.
As parents, there are many ways we can ruin our children’s lives. The possibilities are endless. An embarrassing lunch, however, seems to have been overlooked and hasn’t been given enough attention. A poorly packed lunch can destroy a child’s life and ruin their reputation. Brown bag or lunch box? Water bottle or Gatorade? Aluminum foil or Saran Wrap? These are important questions parents must ask themselves before packing lunch. One slip-up and your child will end up in a therapist’s chair for a large portion of their 30’s.
Let’s discuss some possible “embarrassing lunches,” so we can all sleep a little easier at night knowing we’ve avoided at least one major parenting faux pas.
1. A thermos of lukewarm vegetable soup to be eaten with a spaghetti-sauce-stained wooden spoon. The child’s response upon opening the lunch…”My mother sucks. Somebody, please shoot me.”
2. An egg salad sandwich on pumpernickel, a carton of warm milk and a whole carrot, unpeeled. The child’s response upon opening the lunch…”I hate my mother. She wants me to be a loser.”
3. A dishwasher-warped Tupperware container filled with leftover mashed potatoes, a thermos of water and half of a banana. The child’s response upon opening the lunch…”My mother is a social retard. Where can I find a new one?”
4. A squashed cream cheese and jelly sandwich wrapped in aluminum foil, a box of raisins and three crumbly Fig Newton cookies. The child’s response upon opening the lunch…”Kill me now. My mother has ruined my life.”
5. A container of cottage cheese to be eaten with an Elmo spoon that’s been mangled from falling into the garbage disposal one too many times, a baggie of dried fruit and a slice of Velveeta cheese. The child’s response upon opening the lunch…”My mother hates me and doesn’t want me to have any friends.”
7. A tuna fish sandwich made with the heels of a high-fiber bread, some celery sticks and a baggie of pickles. The child’s response upon opening the lunch…”I have the worst mother in the world. I need to change schools.”
8. An olive loaf sandwich on marble rye, a baggie of Cheerios and a tomato still attached to the stem. The child’s response upon opening the lunch…”My mother wants me to be a social outcast.”
9. Two cold hot dogs wrapped in Saran Wrap, a baggie of day old popcorn and a half-eaten oatmeal cookie. The child’s response upon opening the lunch…”I hate my life. My mother is the anti-christ.”
10. A pink Barbie thermos filled with this morning’s leftover scrambled eggs, a buttered hot dog bun, and a baggie of wasabi flavored soy nuts. The child’s response upon opening the lunch…“I’m skipping town, changing my name and reinventing myself.”
I would love to hear your own embarrassing lunch stories. Mine was #4 in the 5th grade. Did I mention that I’m currently in therapy?