Will: Can someone pass the ketchup, please?
Me: You know what, Will? I think you have that Sex-Ed talk coming up in school soon. Dad and I want to have a little chat with you before it starts, just in case you have some questions that you might feel awkward asking in school.
Will: Mom, I’m finding this conversation extremely awkward already.
Will: Sounds good to me.
Me: Ok, fine, but just so you know, this conversation is in your future. Maybe we’ll go to dinner…me, you and dad. You can pick the place. It will be fun!
Dad: How about just you and Will go? I’ll stay home. I dread these conversations.
Me: Oh, no! You’re going. You’re not getting out of this one.
Anna: I want to go!
Will: No way! She’s not going.
Anna: Will, you are going to die of embarrassment! Trust me…it was the worst week of my life. Some kids puked. I think one cried. You might want to wear a diaper.
Will: Mom, make her stop!
Me: Now, why would you tell him that? You’re scaring him. And, no, you’re not going. Somebody has to babysit Jay.
Jay: Hey! That’s not fair. I wanna go. We can go to Chick-fil-A. I love their milkshakes.
Me: I’ll get you a milkshake another time. You’re staying home.
Jay: Well, I’m not staying with her. The last time Anna babysat, she threw the remote at my head and sent me to my room.
Anna: That’s only because you weren’t listening. Duh!
Dad: So, that’s why the remote is broken?
Will: I feel sick.
Dad: Me, too.
Jay: Can we have dessert now? I’m in the mood for a milkshake.
Me: Don’t worry, Will. It’s not that bad. I promise.
Dad: And, just so you know, whatever you’ve heard on the bus, is probably not true.
Anna: Actually, some of it is true. Will, you are seriously going to die. Mom draws pictures. It’s mentally scarring. I’m pretty sure that’s why I now struggle in math.
Will: Ya know what, Mom? Let’s avoid the awkward conversation where everyone’s uncomfortable and I want to die. How about you just text me, instead?
Dad: Excellent idea! Then if you have any questions, you can text mom back. So, how about milkshakes for dessert?