The Birds, The Bees And A Couple Of Milkshakes

Will:  Can someone pass the ketchup, please?

Me:  You know what, Will? I think you have that Sex-Ed talk coming up in school soon. Dad and I want to have a little chat with you before it starts, just in case you have some questions that you might feel awkward asking in school.

Will:  Mom, I’m finding this conversation extremely awkward already.

Dad:  Me, too! Let’s talk about something else.The Birds and the Bees

Will:   Sounds good to me.

Me:  Ok, fine, but just so you know, this conversation is in your future. Maybe we’ll go to dinner…me, you and dad. You can pick the place. It will be fun!

Dad:  How about just you and Will go? I’ll stay home. I dread these conversations.

Me:  Oh, no! You’re going. You’re not getting out of this one.

Anna:  I want to go!

Will:  No way! She’s not going.

Anna:  Will, you are going to die of embarrassment! Trust me…it was the worst week of my life. Some kids puked. I think one cried. You might want to wear a diaper.

Will:  Mom, make her stop!

Me:  Now, why would you tell him that? You’re scaring him. And, no, you’re not going. Somebody has to babysit Jay.

Jay:  Hey! That’s not fair. I wanna go. We can go to Chick-fil-A. I love their milkshakes.

Me:  I’ll get you a milkshake another time. You’re staying home.

Jay:  Well, I’m not staying with her. The last time Anna babysat, she threw the remote at my head and sent me to my room.

Anna:  That’s only because you weren’t listening. Duh! 

Dad:  So, that’s why the remote is broken?

Will:  I feel sick.

Dad:  Me, too.

Jay:  Can we have dessert now? I’m in the mood for a milkshake.

Me:  Don’t worry, Will. It’s not that bad. I promise.

Dad:  And, just so you know, whatever you’ve heard on the bus, is probably not true.

Anna:  Actually, some of it is true. Will, you are seriously going to die. Mom draws pictures. It’s mentally scarring. I’m pretty sure that’s why I now struggle in math.

Will:  Ya know what, Mom? Let’s avoid the awkward conversation where everyone’s uncomfortable and I want to die. How about you just text me, instead?

Dad:  Excellent idea! Then if you have any questions, you can text mom back. So, how about milkshakes for dessert?

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A mother's plight to find the funny in the frustrating and save her sanity.
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36 Responses to The Birds, The Bees And A Couple Of Milkshakes

  1. dragonfae says:

    Happy New Year Nancy! *waves*

    And thanks for the giggle … I definitely needed one this morning. 🙂

    Like

    • Happy New Year, Dragonfae! How’s that beautiful grandbaby?
      Happy to make you smile, my friend. 🙂

      Like

      • dragonfae says:

        Aurora is doing great … thanks for asking. 🙂 Getting big, lots of smiles, doing the “baby babble” (I love that!), and starting to teethe. Gotta watch her little hands though … every time I hold her she grabs my hair in a death grip! 😆

        Like

        • Wonderful news! I remember that hair pulling thing. I swear, most of mine never grew back. And sometimes you get lucky and get a biter. That was Jay. Everytime I would pick him up, he’d be so excited he’d sink his new little teeth into my biceps. I looked like I was abused. 😦

          Like

  2. muddledmom says:

    Men. I gave my son the talk. It was quick and painless. Mostly. I will say I’m intrigued by your drawings though.

    Like

  3. ryoko861 says:

    “wear a diaper”….ROFLMAO!!!
    Ketchup – $1.89 20oz
    Milk Shakes at Chik-fil-A $.99 (don’t really know, never ate there)
    Conversations about sex – Priceless

    Like

  4. Dad: And, just so you know, whatever you’ve heard on the bus, is probably not true.
    Bwahaha! I love that being thrown out preemptively!

    Like

  5. deb says:

    Brillaint!

    Like

  6. Androgoth says:

    🙂 Dad: Me, too! Let’s talk about something else. 🙂
    that started me off with a wicked giggle right there
    and how brilliant a posting is this one 🙂

    Thank you for calling into my Space Nancy you are
    always welcome and safe from the naughty skeletons 😉

    Happy New Year 2013

    Andro xxx

    Like

  7. I would love to see the texting version of Sex Ed. I think this definitely needs a sequel.

    Like

  8. Sandi Ormsby says:

    That’s awesome! I can totally see this going down in my household. Drawing pictures, huh? Since no one ever knows why my drawings are, I’ll have to leave that to dad.

    Like

  9. Binky says:

    Don’t they just do that on the internet now?

    Like

  10. Happy New Year. Just do like my dad did an leave a Playboy in an obviously (Hidden) place.

    Like

  11. Andro says:

    Have a great start
    to your Thursday Nancy 🙂

    Andro xxx

    Like

  12. Karen says:

    LOL! My 6th grade daughter is having the same “study” at school & recently asked me what “ejaculation” was. It was one of her new vocabulary words. “oh, God. Do we have to talk about this right now?” I said. “No. It’s okay. I’ll just google it.” she responded. WAIT!!!! Oy. And good luck.

    Like

  13. Oh, milkshakes would’ve made my “talk” SO much better. I wasn’t actually scarred, nor did I require a diaper, it was just …. so anti-climactic. A little trauma would’ve livened things up! (Then again, I didn’t have both a brother and a sister lobbing live rounds at me! 😀 )

    Like

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