I Heard It On The Bus: XIII

funny bus“Mom, whenever you think someone seems too perfect, just snoop through their bathroom drawers until you find their anti-diarrhea medicine and then you’ll feel much better about yourself. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

Actually, a dose of anti-diarrhea medicine sounds like it might hit the spot right now considering the end of the school year always leaves me feeling like I’m trying to shove 50 pounds of sh*t into a 5 pound bag. But have no fear, summer is right around the corner and to celebrate this, I thought it was the perfect time to find out the latest scoop being passed around on the big yellow bus. Fact or fiction? As always, I’ll let you be the judge.

1.  “Mom, do you know why those guys in the gym have such big muscles? It’s because they’re addicted to eating hemorrhoids.  It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

2.  “Mom, did you now that guinea pigs make the best pets? They’re super social, you can teach them to talk, they rarely poop and if they do…it always smells like butterflies. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

3.  “Mom, did you know that you should never wear socks to bed? It’s bad for your heart. That’s why so many people have heart attacks during the winter. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

4.  “Mom, did you know that moles are just small chunks of trapped poop? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

5.  “Mom, did you know that if you put a purple Skittle in your belly-button when you go to bed, you’ll dream about the person you’re suppose to marry? The only catch is that you might not remember your dream when you wake-up. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

6.  “Mom, did you know that you should never eat the brown spots on a banana? If you do, there’s a good chance your penis will fall right off. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

7.  “Mom, did you know that if a person ends up being short, the government sends them a cute little monkey to help with the stuff they can’t reach? It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

8.  “Mom, do you know what happens when a kid forgets his lunchbox on the bus? The bus driver takes it home, fills it with farts and returns it the next day. They do it because the secretly hate kids. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

9.  “Mom, did you know it’s a well-known fact that you can measure a teacher’s meaness by the size of their ears? The smaller the ears, the meaner the teacher. It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

10. “Mom, did you know if you wipe a booger on the back of a bus seat it will crystallize into a diamond over summer break?  It’s true…I heard it on the bus.”

Afraid you may have missed some gossip on the big yellow bus? No worries, click below to stay current.

I Heard It On The Bus

I Heard It On The Bus: Part II

I Heard It On The Bus: Part III

I Heard It On The Bus: Part IV

I Heard It On The Bus: Part V

I Heard It On The Bus: Part VI

I Heard It On The Bus: Part VII

I Heard It On The Bus: Part VIII

I Heard It On The Bus: Part IX

I Heard It On The Bus: Part X

I Heard It On The Bus: Part XI

I Heard It On The Bus: Part XII

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About youngamericanwisdom.com

A mother's plight to find the funny in the frustrating and save her sanity.
This entry was posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to I Heard It On The Bus: XIII

  1. Bearman says:

    Remind dad never to steal the kids’ lunch

    Like

  2. I’d love to know what was in the mind of the person quoted in statement #1 above. Hemorrhoids?

    Like

  3. So if I start eating hemmorroids rather than just having hemorroids my muscles will get bigger. Sweet… on it!

    Like

  4. Binky says:

    Those school buses must be brimming with diamonds!

    Like

  5. HA! So THAT’S why I’ve always been underweight!
    🙂

    Like

  6. Dave says:

    Did you know that the brown spots on a banana help fight cancer? It’s true… I read it on the internet.

    Like

  7. frigginloon says:

    My guinea pig’s pop NEVER smelled like butterflies damn it 😦

    Like

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