Tag Archives: brothers

His Wingman Drinks Chocolate Milk

“You know what, Will? You better be nice to me, because someday you’re gonna be sitting in a bar when a bunch of pretty ladies walk in, and you’re gonna need me by your side, cuz we both know…that I’m the … Continue reading

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You Stuck What Where?

Will:  It hurts! Me:   Well, of course it does. Why would you do something so stupid? Will:  Jay told me to. Am I going to be ok? Me:   I’m not sure at what point taking medical advice from your 10-year-old brother … Continue reading

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Don’t Touch My Toothbrush!

Me:  Jay, did you brush your teeth? Jay:  Yup. If you don’t believe me, you can even ask Will. Will:  He did. I saw him…using MY toothbrush! Me:  Jay! Jay:  What? I couldn’t find mine. Will:  Mom, I can’t take … Continue reading

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Stop Clowning Around!

“Mom, you know how Jay will pretty much believe anything you tell him? Well, I’ll bet you 5 bucks and a pack of baseball cards that if I tell him it’s Clown Day at school tomorrow, I can get him to go to … Continue reading

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Playing Hookey

“Mom, if I got a concussion would I have to go to school?” Jay-8 This is what I thought… “WTF?!?” But this is what I said… “Jay, why would you ask me that question?” This was his response… “No reason, … Continue reading

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The Tale of the Purple Nurple and the Pink Tutu

“Mom, where are the band aids? Jay just gave me the worst nipple twister of my life. I’m pretty sure my nipple’s gone.” “Oh c’mon, Will! I hardly twisted. Plus, you sorta deserve a purple nurple for saying  you’re getting me a … Continue reading

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Actions Speak Louder Than Words…but hurt!

“Mom, Will grabbed my hand and made me punch myself in the face 3 times for absolutely no reason. Should I go tell him he’s in big trouble?” “What the fudge, Jay! That’s a bunch of crap! I was doing a … Continue reading

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The Pay Off

“Will, I’m sorry for hitting you with my cast. I feel really bad. Here, take this money.” “What the crap, Jay! You can’t go around cracking people with your cast when you don’t get your way. Look at my face! My lip’s … Continue reading

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Armpit Etiquette

“Will, you should never ask someone to see their armpit hair. It’s impolite.”  Jay-9 “I know that, Jay. But some people should think about cutting their armpit hair. That’s what I’m gonna do if mine ever gets too long.”   Will-10  I think … Continue reading

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We’re Having An Intervention. Will You Come?

“Mom, you should probably have a talk with Will. He’s got a big problem…he’s obsessed with brushing his teeth. It’s true! Ever since he got his braces off, he thinks he’s got the world’s most special teeth. You should see … Continue reading

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You Smelt It, You Dealt It!

“Jay, I think I’m pretty lucky that I never have to fart at school.” Will-10 “Not me, man…when I accidentally fart in school, I just make a surprised face and look at the kid next to me.” Jay-8 You’ve got … Continue reading

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Indoor Plumbing Is Overrated

“Mom, I need you! Jay just ripped open the bathroom door and chucked a teddy bear at my head. He screwed up my aim and now there’s a huge mess in there…it’s not my fault.”  Will-10 It’s all fun and … Continue reading

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I Suggest You Braid It…maybe start a new trend

“Hey, Jay! What do you think you’re gonna do if you end up with a lot of chest hair when you grow up? I think I’ll probably just shave mine off.” Will-10 “Nah, I’m not gonna shave mine cause I … Continue reading

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Would You Do It For 5 Bucks?

“Will, going forward, you are absolutely NOT allowed to do your brother’s homework…even if he begs you and promises to give you all of his money. Do you understand me?” Me to Will-10  The handwriting was my first tip-off, the guilty … Continue reading

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It’s All Fun And Games Until…

“Time out, Jay! That’s a penalty. No biting. The score is 2-1.”  “Wait a second, Will! You choked me. I was just defending myself. Plus, you used your hands. Penalty on you. Score’s now 1-1.”  “Sorry, Jay. I was trying a new … Continue reading

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Going Commando

“Mom, in case you’re wondering why I’m not                                                   wearing any underwear, it’s because Will wedgied me so badly that they ripped in half. If you’re looking for them, they’re in the trash.”  Jay-8 Paybacks are hell.

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I Swear…it was an accident

“Mom, if you’re wondering why I’m sitting here, it’s because Daddy put me in time out for accidentally  farting on Will.”  Jay-8

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No Offense, But I’d Really Like To Beat You Up

“Mom, Jay keeps calling me a nerd. Just so you know…if he calls me a nerd again, I’m probably going to beat him up.”  Will-10 “Mom, Will is being mean to me for no reason. He said he’s going to beat … Continue reading

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He Begs, Borrows and Steals…only sometimes

“Mom, Jay snuck into my room and stole all the gum out of my gumball machine.” Will-10 “No, I didn’t! I only stole some of it.” Jay-8 “Jay, you stole 98% of it. You left me with 2 pieces.” Will-10 “Will, … Continue reading

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Brothers Don’t Let Brothers Eat Embarrassing Lunches

“Will, you can NOT let Mom put your sandwich in THAT container for lunch?” Jay-8 “Why not? I can’t eat a squished sandwich.” Will-10 “Why?!? Because it says, ‘Lunch-Munch, Yum-Yum’ and there are happy animals dancing on the lid. You … Continue reading

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You Wish Your Porsche Was My Lamborghini

“Jay, the most expensive Lamborghini is more expensive than the most expensive Ferrari, which is more expensive than the most expensive Porsche…it’s true.” Will-10 “Will, I would definitely rather have the most expensive Lamborghini than the most expensive Ferrari.” Jay-8 … Continue reading

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I Dream Of Shaq

“Mom, my new goal is to play in the NBA with Shaq.  I’ve been practicing.  I think they’ll take me.”  Jay-8 “Jay, you can’t play against Shaq.  He’s retired.”  Will-10 “What!?!  He’s retired!?!  Why!?!”  Jay-8    “Jay, Shaq’s old.  He’s turning … Continue reading

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H-E-Double Hockey Sticks

“Jay, you should never say the ‘H-Word’ unless you use it to talk about that bad place down there.  It’s ok to say, ‘I hope I never go to Hell.’  That would be fine.  But, you should never say to someone, … Continue reading

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Dumb and Dumber

“Hey Jay, do you think it would hurt if I pegged you in the eye with this tennis ball going 67 mph?” Will-10 “Well Will, it might hurt a little, but I’ll let you try it if I can wear some … Continue reading

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The Snarky Older Sister

“Will, you are so freakishly disgusting. I hate the way you chew…you sound like a sick cow.” Anna-11 to Will-10 I love the snarky older sister. She’s fabulous. Sadly, we don’t get to hear from her often enough because either: … Continue reading

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The Facts of Life

“Jay, here’s the thing about penises…sometimes they just do stuff you can’t control. Nobody knows why. It’s just the way it is.” Will-10 to Jay-8 There’s not a whole lot I can contribute to that…I think that about sums it … Continue reading

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He Doesn’t Bite…all the time

“Mom, Jay just bit me!” Will-10 “Seriously Mom, it was an accident…I swear! I tripped and my tooth accidentally fell into him.” Jay-8  I’m considering installing a Nanny Cam. There are way too many “accidents” going on in this house. … Continue reading

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Mother’s Day Bliss

“Mom, Mom, Mom…I need help! Jay just clocked me and my mouth is gushing blood.” Will-10 “But Mom, it was an accident.” Jay-8 “Don’t believe him Mom…he did it on purpose.” Will-10 “Well, I tackled him on purpose but I clocked … Continue reading

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Playing Hookey

“Mom, if I got a concussion would I have to go to school?” Jay-8 This is what I thought… “WTF?!?” But this is what I said… “Jay, why would you ask me that question?” This was his response… “No reason, … Continue reading

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Sharing Cooties

“Mom, I couldn’t find my toothbrush so I just used Will’s. Do me a favor and don’t tell him…cause I’ll probably use it again later and if he knows it he’ll hide it somewhere good.” Jay-8

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