Tag Archives: funny

His Wingman Drinks Chocolate Milk

“You know what, Will? You better be nice to me, because someday you’re gonna be sitting in a bar when a bunch of pretty ladies walk in, and you’re gonna need me by your side, cuz we both know…that I’m the … Continue reading

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Jackpot Jay

Me:  I’m not selling your desk so you can buy a poker table and put it in your room. Jay:  Aw, c’mon, Mom! It would be so epic. And, I’d get a mini fridge and fill it with soda. Me:  … Continue reading

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The Antisocial Extrovert

  “Mom, here’s the problem…you guys spend way too much time worrying about my math grades when the real problem here is that math makes me feel antisocial. And really, you don’t want my conversations in life to be about … Continue reading

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No Junk In The Trunk?

Every time I need a little pick-me-up, I check out Jay’s desk for his latest creation. Happy Friday, everyone! Wishing you all a disappointment-free weekend.

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Another Embarrassing Lunch

“Oh, man, Mom! You’re not making me bring that thermos to school, are you?” “Of course I am? What’s wrong with it?” “Look at it! It’s a crayon. You might as well send me to school in a diaper. I … Continue reading

Posted in comedy, funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 24 Comments

Totally Craptastic!

“Mom, just so you know…the toilet paper in this house isn’t working. Oh, and by the way, I decided that on Crazy Mismatch Day, I’m gonna wear my underwear on the outside of my clothes.” Jay-10 Happy Friday, everyone!

Posted in crazy kid quotes, funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 24 Comments

Public Restrooms…God, I hope he washed his hands!

“Mom, don’t worry. I never sit on a public toilet. I just take my pants off and lay them on the toilet seat. Ya know, to protect me from all the gross germs.” Jay-9 Apparently, he has decided that this … Continue reading

Posted in comedy, Entertainment, funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Life, Parenting, sarcasm | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 36 Comments

I Heard It On The Bus: Part II

“Mom, just wait till you hear what I                                                                        learned on the bus today. You are gonna                                                                 LOVE it! Ready? Ok. Now, watch and listen… ‘Milk, milk, lemonade, around the corner fudge is made.’ Isn’t that totally hilarious? I can’t wait … Continue reading

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 53 Comments

So, You’d Like To See Me Naked?

Have you noticed that WordPress has decided to post your Subscriber Stats on your Home page? You haven’t? Well, go take a look. There they are, right above your cute little Subscription button…your subsciber count. See it? Great. Now tell me…what do … Continue reading

Posted in Blogging, Humor | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 58 Comments

Smell Me Like A Pumpkin Pie On Thanksgiving Morning

“Mom, come here and smell me. I took a 15 second shower and I swear I got everything…even the stinkiest parts. It might just be a world record. C’mon, come closer and take a real good smell. Smell me like you’ve never smelled me … Continue reading

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VIP Seating Only…giddy up, shorty!

“Will, you and your friends CAN NOT sit in the back of the bus. The 6th graders ALWAYS sit in the back and the 5th graders ALWAYS sit up front. It’s kinda-sorta a rule. You guys are ruining it for the 6th … Continue reading

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No Paparazzi Please!

“Mom, if I were rich and famous, I would always wear a wet suit in the shower. I think it would be way too risky without one.”  Will-10 There seems to be rampant paranoia in this house. I bet they’ve been reading … Continue reading

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Lady, Don’t Even Think About It!

“Mom, I want you to stand on the front porch                                                         when my bus passes, but please don’t look                                                                      at the bus and definitely don’t wave or shout out.” Anna-11 I guess cartwheels down the sidewalk would be out of the question.

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 23 Comments

A Line That Divides

“Oh My God, Mom! You can Not be serious! Why would you buy those?  They’re completely stupid and weird. The ones I had last year were so much better, these stink! Do you have any idea how embarrassing they are? I’m … Continue reading

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting, Plight | Tagged , , , , , , , | 24 Comments

That Tooth Fairy Is A Cheapskate

“Mom, I realized something was up with the whole Tooth Fairy story when I found out kids at school were getting $10 bucks a tooth and all I got was a stinking buck…and mine didn’t even have cavities!” Anna-10 I … Continue reading

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , | 28 Comments

Big Brother Is Watching You!

“Mom, are you positively positive there aren’t any security cameras in public bathrooms? Because if there are…I might ask you to put me back in diapers.”  Jay-8

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , | 24 Comments

Kid, You’re Killing Me!

“Mom, no offense or anything, but I can’t hold your hand anymore. I mean, I still sorta wanna and I still really like you a whole bunch, but if anyone saw me holding your hand it would ruin my life. … Continue reading

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 38 Comments

Excuses, Excuses

“Mom, when you were a kid, did you ever ask to go to the bathroom at school just to get out of class because you were bored?”  Will-10 …and then lock all the stall doors and sneak underneath? So tell … Continue reading

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It’s All About The Wand

“Mom, it’s not like I want to get married because girls are weird, but if you made me, I’d probably pick Emma Watson. You know her, she’s that Hermione girl from Harry Potter. She seems like she’d be ok. Plus, I … Continue reading

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting, sarcasm | Tagged , , , , , , | 12 Comments

Why Would Somebody…

“Mom, this is gonna sound crazy, but I swear…someone in this house farted on my waffles. And, it definitely wasn’t me.”  Jay-8 With that, I bid you all farewell.  In approximately 2 hours, 58 minutes and 35 seconds, I will … Continue reading

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Life | Tagged , , , , , , | 26 Comments

How In The Heck?

“Mom, here’s the thing I just don’t get…               how in the heck can Jay and Anna look                 just like Daddy when they came out of you?”     Will-10  “Go ask your father.”        

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , | 19 Comments

Have You Heard? Stupid Is The New Cool.

“Mom, Anna called me stupid. It’s true, she did.”  Jay-8 “No, I didn’t. You’re lying. I called Will stupid. So there!”  Anna-11 “Yup, that’s right. She called me stupid. I’m the stupid one. Jay’s just trying to start trouble.”    Will-10   … Continue reading

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When In Spain, Do As The Chinese And Eat Spaghetti

“Mom, did you know that spaghetti is my favorite food? Well, it’s true. I think it’s pretty cool that spaghetti is just chinese food that comes from Spain. Ya know, I’ve always wanted to go to Spain…to eat the spaghetti, … Continue reading

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 23 Comments

Why All The Fuss?

“Mom, I think you better check Jay’s backpack before we get to the airport.” Will-10   Backpack Contents 1.  Musket (Civil War toy replica) 2.  3 stuffed animals 3.  favorite blanket 4.  Rosary Beads (glow-in-the-dark version) 5.  old phone charger (without … Continue reading

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Girls Stink!

“Jay, here’s the thing about girls…they’re mean, really mean.                            The worst part is they think they’re really nice, but they’re not. The only good ones are the really old ones…like mom.”   Will-10 to Jay-8 Hey! Wait a second…

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I Swear…it was an accident

“Mom, if you’re wondering why I’m sitting here, it’s because Daddy put me in time out for accidentally  farting on Will.”  Jay-8

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I Think I’d Like To Swim With The Fishes

“Mom, when I’m older I might wanna be one of those scuba diving dudes.       If I can make it all the way there and back, with enough air in my tank, I think I’ll probably dive down to the Titanic. Ya know, just … Continue reading

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That Delicious Stuff In The Blue Box

“Mom, you are the best cook ever. This tastes SO good! I swear, this just might be the best thing you ever cooked. I love it! I bet you could be a cook in a fancy restaurant and make like a … Continue reading

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The Sandwich, Part II

“Mom, can you make my meatball sandwich without sauce? I hate when my meatballs are saucy….the sauce makes it disgusting. And please, no cheese. I hate when it’s cheesy…it makes me want to throw-up. Oh, and one more thing…can you … Continue reading

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My Life As SpongeBob

“Mom, if you had to live your life as a SpongeBob character, who would you pick?”   Jay-8 I would definitely pick Sandy Cheeks even though I sometimes feel like Squidward, especially on Monday mornings. Who would you pick?  

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Food Is Rude

“Mom, I think it really stinks that all the food that’s good for me tastes so bad and all the food that’s bad for me tastes so good. The worst part is you’re always forcing me to eat the stuff that … Continue reading

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Don’t Let Her Dance

“Mom, please don’t dance.”  Anna-11                         ………. “Mom, please don’t embarrass me.” “Anna, how could I possibly embarrass you?” “You have your ways.” “My ways? Give me an example.” “Well, your dancing, for one.” “My dancing is fabulous. What … Continue reading

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Boy, You’ve Got No Heart!

“Mom,  I think I’ve got a problem…What does it mean when you check for your pulse and it’s not there? Mine’s been gone for a few days. Is that bad?  Jay-8   

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No Offense, But I’d Really Like To Beat You Up

“Mom, Jay keeps calling me a nerd. Just so you know…if he calls me a nerd again, I’m probably going to beat him up.”  Will-10 “Mom, Will is being mean to me for no reason. He said he’s going to beat … Continue reading

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The Guys That Wrote That Thing

“Mom, who were those guys, from like a 100 years ago, that wrote that thing? I think they were around right after Jesus. You know, those guys with the white fuzzy hair. They were all best friends with George Washington. You … Continue reading

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I’ll Be The Good Guy And You Be The Bad Guy

“Where are my Bobby pins?  Who took my Bobby pins? Why would someone take my Bobby pins?”

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It’s Not My Fault…I swear

“Mom, just so you know…I didn’t do it. There was a cup of juice, that wasn’t mine, that accidentally spilled on the coffee table, but it wasn’t my fault. I just found it there, all by itself with spillage everywhere. … Continue reading

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He Begs, Borrows and Steals…only sometimes

“Mom, Jay snuck into my room and stole all the gum out of my gumball machine.” Will-10 “No, I didn’t! I only stole some of it.” Jay-8 “Jay, you stole 98% of it. You left me with 2 pieces.” Will-10 “Will, … Continue reading

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 35 Comments

Brothers Don’t Let Brothers Eat Embarrassing Lunches

“Will, you can NOT let Mom put your sandwich in THAT container for lunch?” Jay-8 “Why not? I can’t eat a squished sandwich.” Will-10 “Why?!? Because it says, ‘Lunch-Munch, Yum-Yum’ and there are happy animals dancing on the lid. You … Continue reading

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 36 Comments

Feed Me Lobster

“Mom, why the heck is lobster so expensive? Do you think those lobster guys get a lot of money fishing for lobsters? Cause if they do, I might wanna be a lobster guy. I bet they make like a million … Continue reading

Posted in funny kid quotes, Humor, kids, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 28 Comments