Tag Archives: life

Excuses, Excuses

“Mom, when you were a kid, did you ever ask to go to the bathroom at school just to get out of class because you were bored?”  Will-10 …and then lock all the stall doors and sneak underneath? So tell … Continue reading

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It’s All About The Wand

“Mom, it’s not like I want to get married because girls are weird, but if you made me, I’d probably pick Emma Watson. You know her, she’s that Hermione girl from Harry Potter. She seems like she’d be ok. Plus, I … Continue reading

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Why Would Somebody…

“Mom, this is gonna sound crazy, but I swear…someone in this house farted on my waffles. And, it definitely wasn’t me.”  Jay-8 With that, I bid you all farewell.  In approximately 2 hours, 58 minutes and 35 seconds, I will … Continue reading

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It’s All Fun And Games Until…

“Time out, Jay! That’s a penalty. No biting. The score is 2-1.”  “Wait a second, Will! You choked me. I was just defending myself. Plus, you used your hands. Penalty on you. Score’s now 1-1.”  “Sorry, Jay. I was trying a new … Continue reading

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My Favorite Vegetable Is A Corn Dog

“Mom, I’ve got a question for you…did the Hopi American Indians eat a lot of corn dogs? I hear they really liked their corn.”  Jay-8 For those of you who were wondering about the duct tape… Apparently, this kid takes … Continue reading

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How In The Heck?

“Mom, here’s the thing I just don’t get…               how in the heck can Jay and Anna look                 just like Daddy when they came out of you?”     Will-10  “Go ask your father.”        

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Where’s The Duct Tape?

“Mom, can you help me? I need a permanent marker, duct tape, a flash light, a juice bag, some Goldfish crackers in a bowl and Will’s iPod. Can you put it in a box and bring it outside? I’ll be … Continue reading

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You Say Lazy, I Say Relaxing

“Mom, I swear! The swim team coaches specifically said that we should rest up for the big meet this weekend. They said we shouldn’t waste any of our energy…that means we’re not allowed to do stuff like clean our rooms or extra … Continue reading

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A Brilliant Plan…Not!

“Mom, we’ve decided we’re gonna have a yard sale to sell off all of our old, junky, broken-down toys. I bet we can get a ton of money and then you can take us to Toys “R” Us so we can … Continue reading

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Have You Heard? Stupid Is The New Cool.

“Mom, Anna called me stupid. It’s true, she did.”  Jay-8 “No, I didn’t. You’re lying. I called Will stupid. So there!”  Anna-11 “Yup, that’s right. She called me stupid. I’m the stupid one. Jay’s just trying to start trouble.”    Will-10   … Continue reading

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When In Spain, Do As The Chinese And Eat Spaghetti

“Mom, did you know that spaghetti is my favorite food? Well, it’s true. I think it’s pretty cool that spaghetti is just chinese food that comes from Spain. Ya know, I’ve always wanted to go to Spain…to eat the spaghetti, … Continue reading

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Why All The Fuss?

“Mom, I think you better check Jay’s backpack before we get to the airport.” Will-10   Backpack Contents 1.  Musket (Civil War toy replica) 2.  3 stuffed animals 3.  favorite blanket 4.  Rosary Beads (glow-in-the-dark version) 5.  old phone charger (without … Continue reading

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Girls Stink!

“Jay, here’s the thing about girls…they’re mean, really mean.                            The worst part is they think they’re really nice, but they’re not. The only good ones are the really old ones…like mom.”   Will-10 to Jay-8 Hey! Wait a second…

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Going Commando

“Mom, in case you’re wondering why I’m not                                                   wearing any underwear, it’s because Will wedgied me so badly that they ripped in half. If you’re looking for them, they’re in the trash.”  Jay-8 Paybacks are hell.

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I Think I’d Like To Swim With The Fishes

“Mom, when I’m older I might wanna be one of those scuba diving dudes.       If I can make it all the way there and back, with enough air in my tank, I think I’ll probably dive down to the Titanic. Ya know, just … Continue reading

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That Delicious Stuff In The Blue Box

“Mom, you are the best cook ever. This tastes SO good! I swear, this just might be the best thing you ever cooked. I love it! I bet you could be a cook in a fancy restaurant and make like a … Continue reading

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My Life As SpongeBob

“Mom, if you had to live your life as a SpongeBob character, who would you pick?”   Jay-8 I would definitely pick Sandy Cheeks even though I sometimes feel like Squidward, especially on Monday mornings. Who would you pick?  

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Don’t Let Her Dance

“Mom, please don’t dance.”  Anna-11                         ………. “Mom, please don’t embarrass me.” “Anna, how could I possibly embarrass you?” “You have your ways.” “My ways? Give me an example.” “Well, your dancing, for one.” “My dancing is fabulous. What … Continue reading

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Boy, You’ve Got No Heart!

“Mom,  I think I’ve got a problem…What does it mean when you check for your pulse and it’s not there? Mine’s been gone for a few days. Is that bad?  Jay-8   

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No Offense, But I’d Really Like To Beat You Up

“Mom, Jay keeps calling me a nerd. Just so you know…if he calls me a nerd again, I’m probably going to beat him up.”  Will-10 “Mom, Will is being mean to me for no reason. He said he’s going to beat … Continue reading

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The Guys That Wrote That Thing

“Mom, who were those guys, from like a 100 years ago, that wrote that thing? I think they were around right after Jesus. You know, those guys with the white fuzzy hair. They were all best friends with George Washington. You … Continue reading

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I’ll Be The Good Guy And You Be The Bad Guy

“Where are my Bobby pins?  Who took my Bobby pins? Why would someone take my Bobby pins?”

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It’s Not My Fault…I swear

“Mom, just so you know…I didn’t do it. There was a cup of juice, that wasn’t mine, that accidentally spilled on the coffee table, but it wasn’t my fault. I just found it there, all by itself with spillage everywhere. … Continue reading

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He Begs, Borrows and Steals…only sometimes

“Mom, Jay snuck into my room and stole all the gum out of my gumball machine.” Will-10 “No, I didn’t! I only stole some of it.” Jay-8 “Jay, you stole 98% of it. You left me with 2 pieces.” Will-10 “Will, … Continue reading

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Brothers Don’t Let Brothers Eat Embarrassing Lunches

“Will, you can NOT let Mom put your sandwich in THAT container for lunch?” Jay-8 “Why not? I can’t eat a squished sandwich.” Will-10 “Why?!? Because it says, ‘Lunch-Munch, Yum-Yum’ and there are happy animals dancing on the lid. You … Continue reading

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Feed Me Lobster

“Mom, why the heck is lobster so expensive? Do you think those lobster guys get a lot of money fishing for lobsters? Cause if they do, I might wanna be a lobster guy. I bet they make like a million … Continue reading

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You Wish Your Porsche Was My Lamborghini

“Jay, the most expensive Lamborghini is more expensive than the most expensive Ferrari, which is more expensive than the most expensive Porsche…it’s true.” Will-10 “Will, I would definitely rather have the most expensive Lamborghini than the most expensive Ferrari.” Jay-8 … Continue reading

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Breakfast of Champions

“Mom, there’s a piece of pepperoni in my cereal.” Jay-8 “Jay, you’re eating Cheerios. How would a piece of pepperoni end up in your bowl?” “Oh! Nevermind. It’s just my gum.” Jay-8 Yes, I know. Where did he get the … Continue reading

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Your Favorite Song Is Stupid!

“Anna, this is your favorite song.” Jay-8 “No, it’s not.” Anna-11 “Yes, it is. It’s totally your favorite song.” Jay-8 “Jay! This is NOT my favorite song. I don’t even like this song.” Anna-11 “Yes, it is. Will, isn’t this … Continue reading

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Non-Stop To China

“Mom, I think it would be really cool to go to China someday. I hear the plane ride is really long, but Will told me that they give out free massages on the plane.” Jay-8 “Hey Will, did you tell … Continue reading

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A Gift To Remember

“Hey guys! What should we get Daddy for Father’s Day?” “How about a Lamborghini?” Jay-8 “Until your rap career is up and running, that’s a bit out of our price range.” “How about a used Lamborghini?”  Jay-8 “Still out of … Continue reading

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Those Rich Dudes

“Mom, who made more money, the dude that invented the popsicle or the guy who invented electricity…what was his name again?” Jay-8 The dude that invented the popsicle owes his fame and fortune to the guy who discovered electricity. Without … Continue reading

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An Embarrassing Lunch

“Mom, can you pack me lunch today? And please…don’t make it embarrassing.” Anna-11 As parents, there are many ways we can ruin our children’s lives. The possibilities are endless. An embarrassing lunch, however, seems to have been overlooked and hasn’t been … Continue reading

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H-E-Double Hockey Sticks

“Jay, you should never say the ‘H-Word’ unless you use it to talk about that bad place down there.  It’s ok to say, ‘I hope I never go to Hell.’  That would be fine.  But, you should never say to someone, … Continue reading

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Dumb and Dumber

“Hey Jay, do you think it would hurt if I pegged you in the eye with this tennis ball going 67 mph?” Will-10 “Well Will, it might hurt a little, but I’ll let you try it if I can wear some … Continue reading

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Puppy Love

“Mom, there’s a boy at school that I think might like me. When he’s not trying to trip me, he talks to me about sports I know nothing about and tells me jokes that aren’t really funny. I just laugh … Continue reading

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My Plight To Find The Funny In The Frustrating And Save My Sanity

It all started as a joke on facebook. Quite honestly, as a way to poke fun at my friends who were “psyched to have the laundry folded” or “feeling fab after running 25 miles without breaking a sweat”. I couldn’t … Continue reading

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